What's the Big Ego (part 1)

In this time of manifestation, we must all be aware of not only our conscious thoughts we as human beings harbor either individually or collectively, but the unconscious protective though processes that serve as protector in order to maintain a rational safety mechanism disguised as balance.

Carl Jung wrote extensively of this protector as the bedrock of psyche analysis, Abraham Maslow described it as “Self Esteem” that level of need before self-actualization and Sigmund Freud divided “I” into three categories. The unconscious protector for which I am referring is that little voice from which many of our ideologies, behaviors and functioning stem unknowingly: EGO

Originating from Latin meaning “I”, our ego has served as a sheltering force, often taking over in times of danger providing a seemingly balanced explanation for our conscious thoughts, behaviors and actions. Most often this protector creeps up, shutting down all sensibility acting on behalf of self as warrior. It takes over speaking out in the lowest form of intelligence…Fear identified (ID) as whole self.

Freud defines ID as an unconscious element “filled with energy reaching it from the instincts, but has no organization, produces no collective will, but only a striving to bring about the satisfaction of the instinctual needs subject to the observance of the pleasure principle.” This means that our ego runs off instinct from environmental stimulants that trigger traumatic experiences held within seeking only to personally satisfy the victory of removing self from danger. Oftentimes we operate in this space without conscious knowledge until someone points it out or we are placed in such a dangerous situation upon which we cannot respond with the basic fight or flight.

So let’s examine how our ego can work outside our realm of conscious, rational thought and force us to behave in mannerisms undetected by self or otherwise. Take me for example, as I was thoroughly enjoying myself this past weekend at the Indiana Black Expo I consulted with my sister on having been off the market for five years, I needed assistance finding a man (after all it has been a year since my fiancée left me for another woman). I confided in my sis the qualities I desired: 6’3, Good Provider, Loves the Lord etc. etc. etc. As I was rounding off my long list of qualities, I capped it by saying “and they have to be unavailable.” That’s right you got it correctly, I said unavailable lol, but what was really insane I kept repeating it until my sister asked me do I really want a man who is unavailable?

As I contemplated this statement I realized that my ego had escaped my rationale and spoke its truth. Having been in as many abusive relationships, the ego had built a structure of comfort to keep me sustained in a victim mentality, disguising the energy as victorious power. If I seek after unavailable, it would satisfy two thought processes, victimization and victory. The victim in me wanted to continue believing in abuse as love and myself not completely ever being first in a man’s life. The victorious me would seek unavailable in order to consciously be aware that I was not first and therefore I could protect myself accordingly. My behaviors in a relationship would be to push the man away by never expecting much nor asking for that which I need and deserve, respect, honesty, truth, provisions, stability…Love.

The ego creates a pattern and locks it away in the subconscious until the time to unleash, usually during times of perceived danger due to a trigger from the past. Most often an environmental element triggers our responses; a sound, a touch, a person’s stature, a food, anything that was catalogued at the time of the trauma. Dianetics the film discusses this process extensively as the reactive mind taking over when consciousness or as I call it your sensibility is lost. The unconscious begins building the blocks to warn your psyche the next time a dangerous situation might occur. Unfortunately the ego, reactive mind, unconscious ID does not understand triggers and stimulants surround us every day and it is virtually impossible to not operate in fear until your rational or conscious mind can cancel the thought. This requires one to be conscious of the irrational thought process, in my case “unavailable.” Starting from present moment one must be fully aware of which thought processes are for the greater good and those which are not, embracing the good and rejecting the bad. Yes it is that simple.

It is stated that it takes only 21 days to diminish a bad habit or create a good one but you must fully be aware of every present consciousness. Begin today to seek available and cancel unavailable. Begin today to love and not hate. Begin today to serve and not take. Begin today to show empathy and not apathy. Begin today with the thought of creation not destruction. Begin today by letting God not Ego (I or self) fill your unconsciousness. Create Anu world over.

This is where I say AH…

Peace, Love and Bliss.
Angelah

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Saggin: Freedom or Entrapment?

While attending the July 4^th Freedom Celebration activities, in the midst of my view I eyed several young and older African American men with their pants hung low or as we say on the streets “saggin.” Some men were shirtless others had on wife-beater tank tops or short sleeved shirts all coupled with their oversized jeans. Now I’m not against wearing jeans a little loose for comfort ability because let’s face facts I am not an advocate for skinny or extremely tight fitting jeans either, especially on men. Yes call me sexist but it is something about a man clothed in a perfect cut that is sexy. Yet I digress, as African Americans we have set the stage of many fashion trends from the over the top bell bottoms and platform shoes, to our revolutionary afros and dread locks, African medallions and dashikis to gangsta suits with Stacy Adams to Adidas Track suits and jerry curls to leather jacket with one glittery glove. African Americans have been the contributors and creators of many mainstream style trends. So it behooves me to wonder… In the midst of rise and fall of fashionable trends, why did the world continue with the fashion frontier of “Saggin?”

While I was teaching, an email was sent to me by a colleague from an anonymous college student who was fed up with the disorder and low level thought processes of wearing below the waist pants. The student discussed how some 18 year old freshmen were attempting to grasp the attention of her 22 year old friend. When the men asked how they could the girls attention, the student simply stated “Pull up your pants!” The student also enlightened the men on the origin of “saggin” pants. You see wearing the pants low originated in the American Prison System as inmates in that time were not allowed to wear belts or shoe laces for fear the items would be utilized as a weapon to commit suicide or murder. Thus and so if pants hung low the inmates really did not have a choice because of the uniform issued, and worst the choice became ritualistic that inmates became desensitized continuing the trend even after release from the federal institution. At one point it was rumored that men in prison used below the waist pants as a method to show sexual availability or lack thereof to other inmates. So I ask once again, why would the world embrace a fashion trend with such misguided, painful and deep roots? Why take a concept that entails a prison of the mind and body bringing it forth in celebration.

In this moment of Freedom where we believe freedom means feeling safe, secure and comfortable does below the waist pants truly display personal freedom. Oftentimes I see young men constantly pulling up their saggin pants just to walk, is that safe or comfortable? Is that free? Or are our youth so desensitized they no longer understand the concepts of Freedom? Freedom is order, Freedom is truth. Truth is Order. They say knowledge is power and ignorance is bliss. Are young men free from knowing the truth or are they blissful in arrogance of their ignorance? These young men are taking an institutionalized concept which was formulated to maintain order and applying it in a disorderly fashion. As my friend Ordena says “my mind can’t calculate that” lol. How in the world can one create order in disorder, that application is not possible, order and disorder cannot live in the same state of being – human or divine.

I say now is the time of education, revitalization, self-esteem and pride. Let us reclaim our youth and explain to them that just because a person walks around with their clothes ironed, shirts neatly tucked in and pants around the waist with a belt does not mean that person is a nerd or a geek or a wannabe or gay. Let us remind these youth that at one point in the prison mind wearing pants hanging low was considered a sign of homosexual activity. Being clean, orderly and comfortable is simply a measure of self-care. Presentation is everything, and actions speak louder than words. What our young African American men and women are presenting loudly is that they do not care anymore than to look as if they just stepped out of the bed of prison. Yes I did include our sistahs in this module as well for I cannot in good conscious let them off the hook as I have seen many walk around in public in pajama bottoms and low rise hip hugger jeans with underwear showing.

When I think of all those slaves who died attempting to gain freedom or all those men, women and children who died for equal civil right, it sickens me to know our children and some adults still desire to embrace a slave or imprisoned mentality of less than. We have an African American President and First Lady, African American heads of American Express and McDonalds Corp yet we still reside in a slave mentality. Take the guts of the pig and create chitterlings, take the crumbs of bread and fry our leftovers. In order to truly free ourselves from this mindset we must be armed with the knowledge of power, truth, love for selves, love for one another, love for that high source. Love is the vibrational energetic pattern that just IS: I AM and from that one proclamation all else will follow in order. If not then the cycle continues in disorder.

In an article by Abhijit Naik published in 2010, it was mentioned how lawmakers are curbing laws to cite the practice of “saggin” as indecent. The author goes on to state “Sagging pants history is an apt example of how an objectionable fashion trend can move on to become an illegal action, severe enough to attract some time in jail, which ironically, is where it all started.” This is where I say AH!!

Peace, Love, Bliss

Angelah

Freedom Is...?

The Fourth of July is supposed to mean a great deal for every American because it signifies a break from the Kingship of Great Britain. It is the adoption of the formal document in 1776 that declared “independence” for all those British settlers. Unfortunately that independence didn’t include the Indians who were pushed to the borders, women who were not allowed to vote, or the African slaves who were not even thought about being unchained for another 90 years. Yet 235 years later we are supposed to participate in parades and release fireworks in homage of not being counted or treated as whole beings.

For most citizens a moment of silence was probably formulated of their lack to celebrate in the usual way of parade, fireworks and barbecue. For those like myself, I say dig deeper and ponder the truth of Fourth of July becoming awash. In the hour of a debt ridden nation alongside a bankrupt State filled with corruption, lies and betrayal; how can one celebrate that which truly have not been obtained.

This society, America, where children are dependent upon drugs, teachers are free from accountability and society is a slave to government takeover how can we celebrate. There is still racism, hatred, enslavement and thievery in the United States. I believe the rains signify a breakdown of the lies and disguise we partake in order to be cleansed by HE that invokes change. It is that great I AM, which comes uprooting trees at this time in order to get our attention yet also who brings the soft winds and rains of promises for all those who turn the non-deafened ear to hear. It is this quiet whispering that says I AM is here and near for you all, HIS children regardless of race, class, socioeconomic status, age, gender, or sexual preference. It is that promise of HE, being the God of love, not of wrath which calms the soul and brings forth balance once again.

For those who hear the quiet call, the true ones, the golden ones, enlightened ones, who can feel with all their heart that a change is not going to come but rather today the change is here. Now is the time where those who are bound and gagged will be released from the chains of evil to emerge victoriously in order to truly be Free and Interdependent. In this moment of Independence I say yes to the freedom that the most high releases unto me.

Freedom is the settling of the mind Into the oneness of spirit Producing sould Aftermass of One It is the continuation Of that spirit Releasing fear Into the abyss Of yesterday’s Gone In order to soar Into the manifestation Of tomorrow’s Song

Today is But a dream An illusion Of the illustrious wonder Of fulfillment Ascertained from the gift Of firmament To be applied upon The wound of defeat Only to be completely Healed before The day’s end As the dawning Of anew day Approaches once again The freedom from the pestilence And stench of the past Emergences into fruitfulness Of glorious fragrance To be picked And plucked out Into the world

Freedom is

The inner sanctum

The outer realm of chaos

That which is But a dream

Freedom is

The knowing of truth

The unlocking of the Combinations

Upon the steles From which those Truths Are written

Freedom is The Joy you feel To see the sun Shine upon your face

The birds chirping Their songs

The winds whispering In the trees

It is the communion Upon which All these natural Elements Live in the Supernatural

So yes freedom is Supernatural

As you seek To find what’s Past In order to apply in Present For the healing Future

As long as We continue to live Past We can never have Complete Freedom

For in the spatial pocket Of unknowing

That disconnection Will never allow The spirit To let go And reach beyond

The ruins of Yesterday In order to manifest Today

The creation Tomorrow

Only when we let go That which is Past

Poverty. Territory. Lack.

We will move into The abundant space Of plenty

The plethora of aetheric One. Wholeness.

Freedom

ALL

Peace, Love, Bliss
Angelah

Footprints In the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,
my child, is when I carried you.”

Sometimes we are so blind, ignorant, silly and crazy minded that we don’t even see the times we are being carried by God. We don’t even understand that we are being carried because we are so busy looking down below at the garbage, the broken pieces from the chaos, confusion, suffrage, anguish, turmoil and despair we’re looking left, we’re looking right and all we see in the midst of all this garbage is a distortion. While we are looking down and see one set of footprints and we think “well they gotta be mine because I don’t see anything else, I must be walking alone” Yet we are not walking at all because we are being carried. Being carried through things we don’t even understand we are being protected from. Being carried through those broken pieces of glass set out to undercut our feet so that we don’t even feel the pain, experience the blood.

Instead we experience a blood line of a Kingdom. A great kingdom with an overflowing reservoir, that contains more than enough. An abundant life of universal, infinite love that is so high that oftentimes we do not even see it ourselves. This kingdom directs the pathway to achieve your greatest success in the moment. You may want to travel to China but do not have the funds to fly and that infinite source will direct you to a little shop with an affordable Jade jewelry set. You may want to seek serenity in India yet do not have the resources but the Re (God) Source will unveil a statue of Ganesh, a brass vase, silver goblets imported from that very space. That is the one set of footprints, the carrying, the direct pathway reminding you of the promise brought within your heart.

In the times when the world attempts to knock you down: Joblessness, Homelessness, Profiling, Stereotyping, Debt, yet we are all being carried. When the world tells you “No You Can’t” the source, God, says “Yes You Can” Barack Obama did not come up with the concept “Yes We Can” That statement was declared many generations, thousands of years ago: “Yes I Can” A Spiritual concept that we ourselves do not full understand. In the King James version of the bible God told Moses to tell the people “I am THAT I am” (Exodus 3:14) Meaning the great one, the master of ALL the verb, the infinite love that says “Yes I can.” When the fathers of children walk out on the mothers or vice versa, it is the universe that says “I shall be the father.” When the schools dejected many children from their space because they were not smart enough or rich enough, because they had a disability or were a certain race, it is the universal master of ALL that says “I shall be the teacher.” When those says “No you can’t, I choose not to participate” it is the Re (God) Source that says “I will participate” and when He participates you will not have your items any longer. Every single being that rob, kill, steal and destroy will lose that which they’ve gained because of that one set of footprints that carries those who cannot walk.

Those one set of footprints that carries is the builder to those who do not have homes, the restaurant to those who do not have food, the husband to the widow, the father to the fatherless, the teacher to those who do not have education, the doctor to those who do not have medical coverage, the provider to those who do not have provisions, the soldier to those who do not have protection. That one set of footprints carries us over the threshold into the new home, new life, new day, new realm.

It was the Greeks who 1st recorded the concept of the husband carrying his wife over the threshold because in ancient times it was believed that when a union had commenced, demons stood at the doorway or the in between to sever the ties that bind. To ensure the demons did not trip his wife, the husband picked her up in protection. That is what the source, God, is doing for us: Protecting from all those demons that attempt to break you down, pull you apart, tear you up and eat you alive. Yet when those single footprints are carrying us over the threshold those demons cannot even touch us because we are being covered and carried by the one set of “Footprints in the Sand.”

Peace, Love, Bliss

Angelah

When the Prince Becomes a Toad

Ladies once again I have come before you in the heinousness of crimes impeded upon thy hearts and minds. As I stated once before in the Cinderella Complex, we have been bamboozled, hoodwinked and led astray more often than not by the half-truths presented in fairy tales which quickly turn the fantasy into legend.

The other day as I was praying with a friend for God to send That One, you know from which I speak the he that completes the S in she. We were caught in the spirit, just as Snow White joyfully sang “someday my prince will come” while flouncing around happily engaged in domestic work. Of course we all know many of us don’t have time to do that anymore, but I digress. While resting in the spirit, my friend asked the Lord to send us a caliber of man that won’t bring heartache and pain. She stated, “I don’t wanna star in anymore Amityville Horrors.”

I chuckled to myself at such a true, heartfelt request I began to wonder, what happens when the fairy tale is over without the happily ever after? This is when the dream takes over to become a New Nightmare leaving bodies bloodied, severed and out of sorts nestled in an unrested state of hurt and pain. It behooved me to think: How do we women proceed once the prince turns into the toad and starts jumping from pad to pad to pad?

Oftentimes we women retreat into ourselves looking for answers to our perceived flaws: maybe if I was thinner or healthier, maybe if my hair was longer or straighter, maybe if I was better cook, maybe if I made more money, maybe if I was more experienced in the bedroom on and on and on I could go for days playing the “Maybe If I was…” game. We then drive ourselves undeniably, certifiably crazy because of some jerk who not only displaced his inadequacies and insecurities upon us but also felt compelled to fault us for his decision to hop into a greener pasture at the moment.

It has been my experience that when the prince devolves into his amphibian reptilian state, it hardly has anything to do with the woman. He just wants something different and no amount of hair dyes, exercise programs, or kama sutra tricks will make him stay once the decision has been made. Thus and so, you must prepare to get out the line of fire or shield yourself from the wrath that will befall upon you. I remember watching the movie “The Ties that Bind” a film about the trials and tribulations of marriage. In one scene, the young wife was discussing with her mother how her father did not cheat and actually was driven in the arms of another by the mother. The mother commented “Your father left me long before he left (physically.” She further proceeded to say “When they (men) are ready to leave, they get mean.”

I have heard from countless of women who have stated how mean their husbands and boyfriends got in the final months before the relationship ended. I myself experienced the same actions from my ex fiancé during his exit strategy. He became indifferent, cold, distant and when he found his new princess he verbally assaulted my character and being then proceeded to sever all ties. To this day he has not said more than two words to me or my daughter since he left even though we have endured death, surgeries, car accidents, and self-published books.

So how does one proceed after the toad has jumped to the next lily pad? Look for another prince? I think not! For as I said before we women internalize the heartaches leaving ourselves broken and vulnerable. We must 1st get over the ideology of not being enough or being a failure because of the nightmares. We have to realize that the man cheating or leaving or both cheating and leaving is not about us but at the same time such that it is. It is not our wrongs or faults that drove him away but his own desires and sometimes ours when the spirit cries out that something does not feel right. We must continue in the glory of our absolute, perfect selves for that one who says we are more than enough or just exactly the right mix.

Ladies we have been so bamboozled into waiting for the prince to come, that some of us fail to know our full position as Queen upon which we deserve a King. Women leave the Prince to the concubines and handmaidens. So I say that it is now time to arise and take your place amongst the elite. I say it is time to stop pining away over Mr. Frog and move close to My King. I say stop settling for Mr. Right Now and prepare for Mr. Right. I say continue to get up from that lonely bed every morning, organize it with the joy of knowing that another one will reign in the kingdom once more. Even if the next is not “The One” celebrate the moments of the present life enjoying the wonders of a fruitful existence. I say realize that you deserve honor, dignity, respect and the ability to make mistakes. I say be a whole woman and when that toad try to break you down, walk in the assurance that it’s not you, he just searching for the next pad to hop onto. Women I say don’t be afraid to cut the tie because a piece of man in better than none, so is a piece of the puzzle but the picture is so much better to look at complete.

Peace, Love and Bliss
Angelah