When the Prince Becomes a Toad

Ladies once again I have come before you in the heinousness of crimes impeded upon thy hearts and minds. As I stated once before in the Cinderella Complex, we have been bamboozled, hoodwinked and led astray more often than not by the half-truths presented in fairy tales which quickly turn the fantasy into legend.

The other day as I was praying with a friend for God to send That One, you know from which I speak the he that completes the S in she. We were caught in the spirit, just as Snow White joyfully sang “someday my prince will come” while flouncing around happily engaged in domestic work. Of course we all know many of us don’t have time to do that anymore, but I digress. While resting in the spirit, my friend asked the Lord to send us a caliber of man that won’t bring heartache and pain. She stated, “I don’t wanna star in anymore Amityville Horrors.”

I chuckled to myself at such a true, heartfelt request I began to wonder, what happens when the fairy tale is over without the happily ever after? This is when the dream takes over to become a New Nightmare leaving bodies bloodied, severed and out of sorts nestled in an unrested state of hurt and pain. It behooved me to think: How do we women proceed once the prince turns into the toad and starts jumping from pad to pad to pad?

Oftentimes we women retreat into ourselves looking for answers to our perceived flaws: maybe if I was thinner or healthier, maybe if my hair was longer or straighter, maybe if I was better cook, maybe if I made more money, maybe if I was more experienced in the bedroom on and on and on I could go for days playing the “Maybe If I was…” game. We then drive ourselves undeniably, certifiably crazy because of some jerk who not only displaced his inadequacies and insecurities upon us but also felt compelled to fault us for his decision to hop into a greener pasture at the moment.

It has been my experience that when the prince devolves into his amphibian reptilian state, it hardly has anything to do with the woman. He just wants something different and no amount of hair dyes, exercise programs, or kama sutra tricks will make him stay once the decision has been made. Thus and so, you must prepare to get out the line of fire or shield yourself from the wrath that will befall upon you. I remember watching the movie “The Ties that Bind” a film about the trials and tribulations of marriage. In one scene, the young wife was discussing with her mother how her father did not cheat and actually was driven in the arms of another by the mother. The mother commented “Your father left me long before he left (physically.” She further proceeded to say “When they (men) are ready to leave, they get mean.”

I have heard from countless of women who have stated how mean their husbands and boyfriends got in the final months before the relationship ended. I myself experienced the same actions from my ex fiancé during his exit strategy. He became indifferent, cold, distant and when he found his new princess he verbally assaulted my character and being then proceeded to sever all ties. To this day he has not said more than two words to me or my daughter since he left even though we have endured death, surgeries, car accidents, and self-published books.

So how does one proceed after the toad has jumped to the next lily pad? Look for another prince? I think not! For as I said before we women internalize the heartaches leaving ourselves broken and vulnerable. We must 1st get over the ideology of not being enough or being a failure because of the nightmares. We have to realize that the man cheating or leaving or both cheating and leaving is not about us but at the same time such that it is. It is not our wrongs or faults that drove him away but his own desires and sometimes ours when the spirit cries out that something does not feel right. We must continue in the glory of our absolute, perfect selves for that one who says we are more than enough or just exactly the right mix.

Ladies we have been so bamboozled into waiting for the prince to come, that some of us fail to know our full position as Queen upon which we deserve a King. Women leave the Prince to the concubines and handmaidens. So I say that it is now time to arise and take your place amongst the elite. I say it is time to stop pining away over Mr. Frog and move close to My King. I say stop settling for Mr. Right Now and prepare for Mr. Right. I say continue to get up from that lonely bed every morning, organize it with the joy of knowing that another one will reign in the kingdom once more. Even if the next is not “The One” celebrate the moments of the present life enjoying the wonders of a fruitful existence. I say realize that you deserve honor, dignity, respect and the ability to make mistakes. I say be a whole woman and when that toad try to break you down, walk in the assurance that it’s not you, he just searching for the next pad to hop onto. Women I say don’t be afraid to cut the tie because a piece of man in better than none, so is a piece of the puzzle but the picture is so much better to look at complete.

Peace, Love and Bliss
Angelah

Immobilized In Fear (Revisited)

In October 2009, I wrote about being immobilized in a state of fear, from which I searched diligently to emerge like that phoenix from the ashes. At that point I did not know or understand the future that would befall upon me. Since then I have encountered many extraordinary obstacles as well as moments of great strength full of irresistible dawning. As I stand erect today, I now say no more control over myself by myself.

Many of us reside in the immobilization of our fear, that unchartered territory of the unknown. The journey which leads everywhere, but nowhere, yet somewhere. The fear settles into the pits of our stomachs, crystallizing into the formation of hard stoned rock. It is the fear which leaves you completely neutralized in a position of limitation and lack; unable to step forward, disabled to move back. It is the fear which consumes, that allows hatred to fester, and ultimately cut dreams off at the throat.

This consuming fear leaves one suspended in a cloud of confusion and chaos cocooned in an emotional uproar. The fear settles into an unrest, looking, searching for the truth, the answer of salvation which resides in us all. I myself laid immobilized as the fear of not succeeding, yet succeeding not long enough leaves me stuck in the balance of familiar and unfamiliar. So there I stayed broken down in the shameless, humbleness of yesterday's past experiences, hiding in the immobilization of fear. It left my spirit completely drained asking: When will I be able to raise my head to sit erect, lift my knees to stand upright and move the right foot forward to start the journey anew?

My mind tells me "You've done this before, just move." My fear says "This time it's different and you will lose once more." The years upwardly moving says, I can't afford to lose everything, for I have already loss so much. Yet as I emerge from the depths of despair I remember yes I have fallen many times, yes I have gotten up many times. For the strength resides inside of me, the breaking of the chains that binds me, comes from my change.

We cannot change the outside world, others behaviors, thoughts, actions or inactions. Gas and food prices may continue to rise, individuals may continue to operate in their hatred, prejudice, and sense of entitlement. Corporate and Governmental entities may continue to profit off people utilizing them as products. Society may continue to be angry and sad over the veil resulting in a depression upon which we are left with the feeling of being hoodwinked. Yet I, as an individual, You, as an individual, has one decision, one choice, one outlet: Not to Participate. Change your thoughts, manifest your life joyful.

Peace, Love and Bliss

Angel-Ah

Never Late

In recent weeks I have been diligently working twitter, a social networking, micro-blogging avenue that utilizes instant messaging technology to interact with the world at large. In my discovery of like-minded individuals I have unveiled a whole exciting network of authors, publishers, bloggers, editors etc. etc. etc. In my excitement of following such creatively dynamic people as well as inviting to follow my, thanking them and directing traffic to my youtube videos I have opened a door of wonderful encouragement as well as received blurbs of others who have similar stories as do I. In a society that more times than not attempt to isolate you and make one feel not good enough, it is wonderful to hear from different people who have underwent obstacles and continued in this realm of life.

This morning I received a message from a follower who went to my youtube site and heard my story, the follower responded that like myself he also have taken a number of years to completely produce his novel and he felt better knowing he is not too late. As I pondered this notion of lateness, it behooved me to wonder: In a world that is filled with everything at its fingertips “Why should late mean never?” As of late I have ran across people who get extremely frustrated at humans, technology, government systems, even God for not moving fast enough for them. Have we been so consumed with fastness, that the concept of on time is still late?

I answered the follower with a loving message that it is never too late to release a good novel, for if I had that concept, I would not have finished mine. Admitting so, I also had a warped since of ideology that if I processed information after the fact it as to late or if I do not unleash a product at the time of thought then it would be too late. As I think of great inventors, designers, creator would we be able to enjoy the luxuries we now consume on a daily basis. If Thomas Edison did not try his invention 1000s of times, the light bulb might not have illuminated our spaces to this day. How about Coco Chanel who made a comeback after being out of the fashion industry for more than a decade with some of her most amazing designs. What about James Cameron who worked on Avatar for 15 years while awaiting for technology to catch up; had he released it at thought would it have been the highest growing film of all time. I am sure all these individuals wanted to release their designs with first thought, but often one must wait until they feel comfortable the time is right.

Creation is more than just thought, it is also a feeling, a strong spirit that says the time is now. I have never once regretted waiting 5 years to release my novel, for in that span of time I have grown as a writer, a parent, a woman and a human being. So for all those individuals who allow for themselves or others to make them feel bad because they did not produce or catch on right away, I say to you the more late, the greater the outcome.

Peace, Love, Bliss
Angelah

The Career of Being... Woman

Funny business a woman’s career. The things you drop on your way up the ladder so you can move faster, you forget you’ll need the again when you get back to being a woman… That’s one career all females have in common whether we like it or not – Being a woman. Sooner or later we got to work at it no matter how many other careers we had or wanted. (Bette Davis as Margot Channing – All About Eve)

From the moment we first learn how to walk, talk and think, little girls are groomed to be…Woman. We put on our frilly little dresses, wearing our mother’s makeup and pearls; have tea parties with our friends and stuffed animals pretending to be grown women. Then when we actually reach adulthood, reality sets in that those tea parties among other things were just a figment of our imaginations. So in response we shed our conditioned identity shucking all the etiquette of prim and properness for equality: Equal Work, Equal Pay, Equal Opportunity, Equal Law.

We step to the occupational ladder climbing the rung of “healthy competition” one sometimes two steps at a time. Due to the time consuming challenges which cultivate the art of woman, we toss those tools of winks, wiggles, passiveness, corsets and sometimes exotic hair and makeup for the external work environment. We decide it is beneficial to put aside those character traits, often viewed as character flaws in order to enter the jungles of survival of the fittest. When we do climb the ladder of success and reach the top we are called out our names (you know the one I am referring to for rap artists have made it a woman’s tag) the female counterpart of man who is referred to as a dog. Once we reached the top loneliness sets in and we discover it is no longer fun.

Then after hours, days, months and years of self-discovery we understand that the race to the top was really not a competition against man. After all he is not any smarter, better or more equipped then woman What we actually find out is the man is running an entirely different race that does not even include woman. So we wonder, at the top, do we climb down and return to the fields among the commoners and engage in the art of war between the sexes once more or do we remain in the shadow of “equality.”

Perhaps oftentimes woman is afraid to return because of those “things you drop on your way up the ladder” not knowing if those tools still exist within. I say no matter what a woman is indeed, always Woman. No matter how much she tries, she will walk, talk, think, act, look...Woman and that is a career that no one can ever decide nor take.

Peace, Love, Bliss

Angelah

Black Men "ENDANGERED": Legend or Myth

Since publishing my novel, I have thrust myself into the world of social networking/media as a means to receive cheap advertising/solicitation. Much to my surprise, there has not been an overwhelming response to preview my book, but a myriad of propositions from men. More than not these men are African American, which goes against the conditioning and sensationalism surrounding them. You see we women have been taught that there is a shortage of black men who were once labeled as an “endangered species.” My girlfriends and I discuss daily of the whereabouts of available men in our age bracket. Yet daily thousands of men are entering into social spaces approaching women.

Having been on Black Planet approximately six months I, myself, had more man propositioning me in a week than I have throughout my entire dating career thus far. As women fight like jungle cats to claim the territory known as the black man, It behooves me to think: Are black men really “endangered” or have women been duped by propaganda once again?

Between Twitter, Facebook, You Tube, Black Planet etc. etc. etc. we have been given 24 hour access to the world at large. One can sign up for these services and be instantly notified thru email every time someone follows, befriends, or subscribes to your space. The lakes are opening wider and deeper allowing more fish to be caught. Yet why are these intelligent, attractive males not being caught by beautiful, gifted females.

If the statistics are correct (everyone knows how I feel about statistics) and there is an African American male shortage, then the women being propositioned are being deceived by men who are seemingly involved. If the dating pool has broadened because of social networking than women, especially African American women, have been bamboozled once again by a society which desires to disconnect and disenfranchise a population of otherwise smart, rational people. Yet my analytical mind cannot help but discern between fact and fiction. The fact is there are a lot of single, black women who are not connecting with single black men. So I can’t help but wonder are most of the men soliciting women online really in a committed relationship. Have social networking become the new forms of prostitution?

So how does one who wants a committed relationship find the truth in order to weed out the players? Quite easily one would think, just ask, but we do not ask that simple question “are you with someone?” Are women afraid of the truth leaving us feeling alone, used and undesirable? Do we not care because we think a piece of man is better than none? Are we afraid of the truth because then we are forced to make a choice and deal with the consequences albeit good or bad, for one can only be held accountable for that which they know. Are beings so commanded by their hearts desire they cannot just be “friends”, “followers,” or “subscribers” with no strings attached, ascribing only to a web. Then again we all know what happens in webs, eventually you get trapped and swallowed up.

Peace, Love & Bliss
Renee Angelah