As I evaluated my past relationships, I came across some unsettling disturbances I was unwilling to face. A disheartening truth I did not want to accept or repeat. I have learned that with the exception of my first relationship, I was the plan B for every man I was with, including my ex-fiancée. I have not understood or received the answer to why I attract men who just use me as the settled to girl until they get the opportunity to access what they want or is looking for. Of course it makes no sense why I allow men to use me, my father was in the home, and I was not abused nor was my mother. As a matter of fact I lived in a two parent upper middle class, matriarchal ran home. Yet I allow myself to be the doormat for men, the less than girl. How does one know if she is the Plan B girl? Plan B girls are the ones that men be with only when they have to, while they wait or search for the one they desire most. The man views you as not enough because you are not the one he wanted in the first place. The Plan B girl cries on the inside while the man goes off on trips and engage in activities without her, his so called "woman." The man always leaves the Plan B girl without a proper goodbye. It is easy for him to leave you because he feels no explanation needed, you don’t deserve courtesy or respect; you are not the one he wanted.
So what does it feel like to be the Plan B girl? Very simple, it feels sad and lonely. The Plan B girl is never happy nor satisfied because her companion is neither of those things. She can feel all the tension, all the indifference, all the pain for not being able to measure up. And it hurts, it hurts more than people know and sometimes more than the Plan B girl is aware. As for myself I analyze and I cry, many nights, silently as I lay alone in bed. Every night my mind is unsettled for never having been enough, not enough looks, not enough money, not enough intelligence, not enough interdependence, not enough character… simply not enough.
Of course I do not want to continue in a state of discouragement for my sisters who long for a meaningful and loving relationship. Being able to identify in what relation you are to a future prospect is an empowering affirmation. It will give you the ability to discern placement and give you the option whether to participate… or not! This newfound freedom will only assist in elevating your awareness from which you are what you desire most. From what you are aware allows the psyche to no longer be afraid. Renunciation of fear gives rise to freedom for it is the shadow of ignorance that binds our bodies from enlightenment. Freedom from bondage gives way once more to: Love
Peace, Love and Bliss
Angelah
