As I have reflected upon this year’s journey of growth, the lesson has been about seeing people for who they truly are and accepting them for only operating from the toolkit they have been bred. In the past I walked around with rose colored glasses betraying myself and being a disservice to others by giving my love freely in the expectation that the will would transform and transmogrify individuals into what they are not. Although in theory this was a great practice, attempting to find the good in others and magnifying, in today’s society where most people are self-serving, self-consuming, self-centered, self-indulgent, self-seeking, all the “self” words except for selfless, that utopian thought is as detrimental as Russian roulette.
For me the most profound reflection always occur through the minds of men. More so those I share an intimate connection, which is where I find most women, manage to entrap themselves. I promised myself I would not date younger men, broke my promise once, never again. All they do is break your heart; all men break your heart. They take the wonderful time they shared with you, all the ups and downs only to soil it by using what they have learned against you. Men are the quintessential predators, politely put “hunters”, with the goal to study you, entrap you, kill you and eat you.
They comfort their egos by announcing they are doing what is best, for them. They find solace in making the right decision, for them. They justify their actions by placing the blame on the woman or her child. “I can’t deal with your mood swings, they’re bringing me down.” “Your child makes me anxious.” “Living with you was unbearable.” There are probably thousands of more of these blame reels spinning around, those are the ones that stick out the most in my mind.
(excerpt from I Love You…But I love Me)
Men have been left without devises to counterbalance their predatory methods, leaving them incapacitated to fully love. We women engage in the game of flirtation, being sweet and demure because that is what Cinderella and Momma taught us to do. What they both kept from us is that the frog never turns into Prince, and if you fall into a deep sleep more than likely the toad prince put you there. We were not told that Sir Lance-a-lot was actually the Devil in disguise sent to separate you from true Queenship, soiling your heart so that you may never access the office of wife again. When they are finished, they return to the hole of hell only to resurface for the next moment to consume their victim.
So how do you ask? How do I deal? How do I heal? How do I accept and forgive? The task is not simple as some may say. I have been told to pray for healing, I have been told talk or write about it, I have been told to meditate and I have been told to simply just forget. All are good words of advice, but for me they did not work separately. I prayed, I became more anxious; I talk or write, I became more obsessive; I meditated, I became more discouraged; I try to forget, but the past continue to recycle through every aspect of my life.
One thing I have discovered is all of the above is meant for you not him. Writing or talking must be accompanied by your truth good and bad. I say “your” because he will have his truth, does not mean you or his truth is not true, just that it belongs to each individual. Praying must be for your salvation not vindictiveness to him. Meditation is to access your higher thought which will disallow abuse. Past cannot be forgotten for it is yours for the taking to learn, grow and use at a tool for the creation of future. In order to accept and forgive, the rose colored glasses must come off. You must be willing to understand that a seed bred and born in men cannot be changed – the seed of predator, oops my bad, hunter. She who has understanding, has knowledge and therefore can accept truth for what it is, in whatever for it shows up.
In order to fully heal, you must delve down into the depths of despair, sifting through the broken pieces to find some salvageable debris from which you can reconstruct a foundation without him. Author and Motivational Speaker Iyanla Vanzant spoke on the Oprah Winfrey show 13 years ago “You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.” (Oprah Lifeclass Webcast Letting Go of Anger http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Oprahs-Lifeclass-Webcast-Day-Two-Anger-with-Iyanla-Vanzant-Video)
Right now, I am in that open wound, digging deep to find that core from which I will soon share my findings with the world. Until that day when I can finally close my eyes, exhale a breath and say Ah so I may live once more.
Peace, Love & Bliss
Angelah
It's a New Year! and as always we strive to make each year better than the last, in ourselves, our careers and our relationships. We make our resolutions fully expecting to stay in stride based on our promises at the stroke of midnight January 1 only to fall short from not giving our full energy. By the end of the year we beat ourselves up with shoulda, coulda, woulda. Where we falter most is not having the present moment intention, instead we speak in future tense “I Will.” This year you and your partner shall speak your relationship as it is (and so it shall be) in the here and now and those times yet to come. To start your year off right consider, meditate, and discuss the top ten Relationship Intentions. Use, modify and/or create for a brighter today and greater tomorrow.
