Black Men "ENDANGERED": Legend or Myth

Since publishing my novel, I have thrust myself into the world of social networking/media as a means to receive cheap advertising/solicitation. Much to my surprise, there has not been an overwhelming response to preview my book, but a myriad of propositions from men. More than not these men are African American, which goes against the conditioning and sensationalism surrounding them. You see we women have been taught that there is a shortage of black men who were once labeled as an “endangered species.” My girlfriends and I discuss daily of the whereabouts of available men in our age bracket. Yet daily thousands of men are entering into social spaces approaching women.

Having been on Black Planet approximately six months I, myself, had more man propositioning me in a week than I have throughout my entire dating career thus far. As women fight like jungle cats to claim the territory known as the black man, It behooves me to think: Are black men really “endangered” or have women been duped by propaganda once again?

Between Twitter, Facebook, You Tube, Black Planet etc. etc. etc. we have been given 24 hour access to the world at large. One can sign up for these services and be instantly notified thru email every time someone follows, befriends, or subscribes to your space. The lakes are opening wider and deeper allowing more fish to be caught. Yet why are these intelligent, attractive males not being caught by beautiful, gifted females.

If the statistics are correct (everyone knows how I feel about statistics) and there is an African American male shortage, then the women being propositioned are being deceived by men who are seemingly involved. If the dating pool has broadened because of social networking than women, especially African American women, have been bamboozled once again by a society which desires to disconnect and disenfranchise a population of otherwise smart, rational people. Yet my analytical mind cannot help but discern between fact and fiction. The fact is there are a lot of single, black women who are not connecting with single black men. So I can’t help but wonder are most of the men soliciting women online really in a committed relationship. Have social networking become the new forms of prostitution?

So how does one who wants a committed relationship find the truth in order to weed out the players? Quite easily one would think, just ask, but we do not ask that simple question “are you with someone?” Are women afraid of the truth leaving us feeling alone, used and undesirable? Do we not care because we think a piece of man is better than none? Are we afraid of the truth because then we are forced to make a choice and deal with the consequences albeit good or bad, for one can only be held accountable for that which they know. Are beings so commanded by their hearts desire they cannot just be “friends”, “followers,” or “subscribers” with no strings attached, ascribing only to a web. Then again we all know what happens in webs, eventually you get trapped and swallowed up.

Peace, Love & Bliss
Renee Angelah

ABC's of Special Education

A- Acronyms LD, BD, ASD, IEP, LEA, OT, ST Oh my! There are so many abbreviations and acronyms for special education terminology one would think they were in another country. Learn the acronyms so when the codes are spoken by educators you are completely aware of what is being said and offered to your child.

B- Behavior Plan Many times students with disabilities are placed on a behavior plan in order to be reprimanded and tracked by law enforcement agencies. When agreeing to a behavior plan, ensure that data collected is accurate, researched and empirical data that does not fall within the categories of paraprofessional services that your child is entitled.

C- Counsel Always enlist effective counsel to represent you and your child’s behalf. This could be community advocates or a special education attorney. They will assist in getting the best possible services your child deserves.

D- Documentation Always record every meeting, phone call and occurrence which deals with your child. Document date, time and who was around even if the person did not participate. If correspondence is thru email or postal make sure you mark date and time received.

E- Examine Examine all school files thoroughly regarding your child at least once a year. Access your state’s school code regarding how to request records and what is allowed. Be specific in your request, ask for temporary, permanent, special education as well as any other forms of correspondence regarding your child. Also put down specific names of individuals who might have any information on your child.

F- Forgive Oftentimes you, the school even your child will make unintentional mistakes. Your job is to know the difference between a mistake and willful disregard. If it is a mistake forgive the individual and continue with a strong intent that another incident will not be allowed.

G- Gratitude There are some teachers and paraprofessionals who really attempt to assist in your child’s progress. Show appreciation and gratitude for the effort.

H- Hire I have said it before and I will reiterate, hire effective counsel and professionals outside the school. They will often provide an unbiased opinion and sounding board upon which you can depend especially when the public education system want to mislabel or rediagnose your child.

I- Individualized Education Plan (IEP) Every student with a disability should have an IEP with the operative term being “Individualized.” Oftentimes cookie cutter IEP’s are written for students offering limited services. Be informed on rights of student and available services in order to properly tailor your child’s plan to fit him/her.

J- Joining Join groups and affiliates within the community to provide support, education and resources for you and your child.

K- Keep Keep everything from the school pertaining to your child, that includes records, receipts, emails, letters in the envelopes, even keep recipes (yes I still have a recipe my daughter’s kindergarten teacher sent me). You always want to be aware of every detail of your child’s school career.

L- Listen Listen to school representatives and advocates, listen to your intuition but most importantly listen to your child’s verbal and especially non-verbal communication. Many times children display how they feel and how things are going in school if you just still yourself and listen.

M- Monitor Monitor your child’s progress and interactions by visiting the school or sending a proxy. Many schools are making it more difficult to enter into the school but be diligent, you have a right to view your child’s environment.

N- Note I cannot stress enough how important it is to keep accurate notes, especially at IEP meetings. If possible bring someone to meetings just for that purpose to take notes. That way any discrepancies or disagreements can easily be diffused.

O- Oppose It is alright to oppose a suggestion from an educator regarding your child’s needs. No one knows your child better than you. We tend to think that just because a teacher has a degree they are an expert on children but last time I checked no one knows every child in the world.

P- Placement Whether your child is placed in special education classes or alternative school, be sure that the placement will fit and meet your child’s needs not the schools. Alternative schools give the public education system the means to make more money but sometimes are not a good environment for certain children.

Q- Question If you have a feeling or do not understand something regarding your child’s needs, behavior or progress, ask questions until you get clarity.

R- Reports Each quarter or semester a report should be generated by general education, special education and paraprofessionals regarding your child’s progress. Make sure you are receiving all measurable data from every individual that works with your child.

S- Study Study books and manuals about your child’s disability, Special Education laws, disability laws, civil right laws and school codes to stay abreast of developments, changes and services upon which your child is entitled.

T- Transition Some students have a hard time transitioning to new environments every year. Ask that your child be placed before the end of the current school year so that they may be introduced to the new surrounding before the start of the next school year. This will assist in adaptability.

U- Understand Understand that no one has all the answers, even if some educators like to think they do. When a problem cannot be solved right away, understand it is not you or them or your child it just will take some time to find the right fit.

V- Voice You and your child has a voice and is entitled to be heard, so speak clearly with conviction.

W- Watch Watch for any signs of maltreatment, children with disabilities are often misused and abused because of their inability to communicate effectively. If you suspect anything go with that feeling because it is often correct.

X- Don’t have an (X) but if I think of one I will insert.

Y- Yourself We as parents, especially mothers, get so caught up in taking care of everything and everyone we neglect ourselves. Raising a child with a disability is extremely hard and time consuming, make sure you schedule some “me” time even if it is nothing but a hot bath at midnight. Your body, mind and spirit will thank you as well as people around.

Z- Zeal Let’s face it raising a child with a disability is a cause, a crusade. Continue the struggle with lots of zeal and pizazz.

Plan B (Back Up)

As I evaluated my past relationships, I came across some unsettling disturbances I was unwilling to face. A disheartening truth I did not want to accept or repeat. I have learned that with the exception of my first relationship, I was the plan B for every man I was with, including my ex-fiancée. I have not understood or received the answer to why I attract men who just use me as the settled to girl until they get the opportunity to access what they want or is looking for. Of course it makes no sense why I allow men to use me, my father was in the home, and I was not abused nor was my mother. As a matter of fact I lived in a two parent upper middle class, matriarchal ran home. Yet I allow myself to be the doormat for men, the less than girl.

How does one know if she is the Plan B girl? Plan B girls are the ones that men be with only when they have to, while they wait or search for the one they desire most. The man views you as not enough because you are not the one he wanted in the first place. The Plan B girl cries on the inside while the man goes off on trips and engage in activities without her, his so called "woman." The man always leaves the Plan B girl without a proper goodbye. It is easy for him to leave you because he feels no explanation needed, you don’t deserve courtesy or respect; you are not the one he wanted.

So what does it feel like to be the Plan B girl? Very simple, it feels sad and lonely. The Plan B girl is never happy nor satisfied because her companion is neither of those things. She can feel all the tension, all the indifference, all the pain for not being able to measure up. And it hurts, it hurts more than people know and sometimes more than the Plan B girl is aware. As for myself I analyze and I cry, many nights, silently as I lay alone in bed. Every night my mind is unsettled for never having been enough, not enough looks, not enough money, not enough intelligence, not enough interdependence, not enough character… simply not enough.

Of course I do not want to continue in a state of discouragement for my sisters who long for a meaningful and loving relationship. Being able to identify in what relation you are to a future prospect is an empowering affirmation. It will give you the ability to discern placement and give you the option whether to participate… or not! This newfound freedom will only assist in elevating your awareness from which you are what you desire most. From what you are aware allows the psyche to no longer be afraid. Renunciation of fear gives rise to freedom for it is the shadow of ignorance that binds our bodies from enlightenment. Freedom from bondage gives way once more to: Love

Peace, Love and Bliss
Angelah

Loss of an Icon--Elizabeth Taylor

Born in February 1932, Elizabeth Taylor charmed us thru decades and beyond with her natural exuberance, style and grace. Having acted since she was 9 years old, Taylor captivated audiences in almost 75 movies and television appearances landing her two best actress academy awards as well as being placed 7th on the American Film Institute’s Female Legends List.

Although I have never seen her first film, I do remember the first movie I experienced Elizabeth Taylor and that is Jane Eyre released in 1944. She had a small part but played an extraordinary role as the curly hair, bright eyed companion of the young Jane Eyre. Even through the quality of a black and white film, Taylor illuminated with the pizazz of color. The best was yet to come as later that year she starred in a movie which catapulted her career at the tender age of 12. We all remember Elizabeth riding a horse with her long flowing hair blowing as she played Velvet Brown in National Velvet. Of course falling off the horse has been attributed to the many years Taylor endured back problems but we still applaud her stellar performance.

Elizabeth Taylor went on to make many films but that which most strike audiences was her role as Kay Banks in 1950’s version Father of the Bride which became her first real box office success. Much attributed to Metro’s now known as MGM publicity campaign coordinating the films released with Taylor’s first marriage with Hotel heir Conrad “Nicky” Hilton. The wedding dress she wore in Father of the Bride was the most copied dress of that decade. Taylor also attributed to the feminine attribute of fashion in her 1958 film “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” where she slinked around in a white slip, making undergarment sales in departments stores increase. It was films such as those and Butterfield 8 which led her to win her first academy award, that iconized Elizabeth Taylor and uplifted her to sex symbol status.

Taylor continued her stronghold on cinema and men as she played Cleopatra igniting an off screen romance with Richard Burton whom she married twice. Yes we all remember the jewelry gave her including the Taylor-Burton diamond a 69.42 carat pear shaped carved from a rough stone weighing 240 carats. I guess diamonds really are a girl’s best friend… And so we continue on as there are just to many movies that we love starring Elizabeth Taylor.

As her film career dwindled, she reinvented herself in the perfume industry releasing White Diamonds. Of course we all remember seeing Taylor in the commercial giving the card shark a diamond earring and saying “These have always brought me luck.” White Diamonds along with her other two fragrances, Passion and Black Pearls yields an estimated 200 million in annual sales combined.

Most noted throughout Elizabeth Taylor’s career is her humanitarian efforts in AIDS related charities earning her the Jean Herscholt Humanitarian Academy Award in 1992. She helped create the American Foundation for AIDS Research (amfAR) after the death of her former costar and friend, Rock Hudson. She also created her own AIDS foundation, the Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation (ETAF). By 1999, Taylor had helped to raise over $50 million to fight the disease. A great achievement indeed in such a short span of time. Elizabeth Taylor also supported Michael Jackson during his molestation charges and was one of the few attendees at his private funeral.

So now we must bid adieu to a legendary, actress, jewelry designer, fashionista and humanitarian. Another Icon of our time, until we meet again, Rest in Peace.

Grand Dames of Fashion

In honor of Women's History Month, I decided to write about my first and only love, Fashion. One cannot speak of fashion without mentioning these two revolutionary icons who held their own in a male domintated profession. So I pay homage to the two great women who taught me the simplicity and grace of style.

With hats in hand Gabriele “Coco” Chanel bursted on the fashion scene with her straight lined, non-corseted jersey dresses making plain, bold. With no frills or ruffles, European aristocrats grabbed onto the simple, muted tones of Chanel’s “poor boy look” which was a significant change from the bulky colorful dresses and hats adorned with plumes. Chanel took reigns as a couturian making sophisticated comfort the new chic style.

In the early 1920’s her empire expanded to the realm of parfums and the trademark Chanel suits still being worn by selective elite women to this day. As the Great Depression migrated from the West , Coco Chanel revolutionized the little black dress catapulting the color of mourning into the choice of cocktail parties. To date Chanel’s legacy still lives on as an iconic legend with a multitude of films and documentaries depicting her life, showing that dressing like a plain Jane can be quite feminine.

Labeled “Queen of the 7th Avenue” Donna Karan headed the creative team for designer Anne Klein before launching her own label in 1985. Offering mix and match essential pieces, Donna Karan revitalized simplicity in providing comfort in a sleek design. Optimizing her portfolio to sportswear, menswear, accessories and cosmetics she has dominated all areas handling with ease and intelligence. Her signature line DKNY has been widely accepted by women from all walks of life generating over half Donna Karan’s apparel sales.

Her myriad of awards from the Council of Fashion Designers including a lifetime achievement has landed this legendary fashionista a status lasting in the industry for over 25 years. Donna Karan has since sold her company to Louis Vuitton and thrown herself in philanthropic efforts such as her up and coming Urban Zen Initiative, a center devoted to preserving culture and empowering children.

Peace, Love and Bliss
Angela-Ah