Plan B (Back Up)

As I evaluated my past relationships, I came across some unsettling disturbances I was unwilling to face. A disheartening truth I did not want to accept or repeat. I have learned that with the exception of my first relationship, I was the plan B for every man I was with, including my ex-fiancée. I have not understood or received the answer to why I attract men who just use me as the settled to girl until they get the opportunity to access what they want or is looking for. Of course it makes no sense why I allow men to use me, my father was in the home, and I was not abused nor was my mother. As a matter of fact I lived in a two parent upper middle class, matriarchal ran home. Yet I allow myself to be the doormat for men, the less than girl.

How does one know if she is the Plan B girl? Plan B girls are the ones that men be with only when they have to, while they wait or search for the one they desire most. The man views you as not enough because you are not the one he wanted in the first place. The Plan B girl cries on the inside while the man goes off on trips and engage in activities without her, his so called "woman." The man always leaves the Plan B girl without a proper goodbye. It is easy for him to leave you because he feels no explanation needed, you don’t deserve courtesy or respect; you are not the one he wanted.

So what does it feel like to be the Plan B girl? Very simple, it feels sad and lonely. The Plan B girl is never happy nor satisfied because her companion is neither of those things. She can feel all the tension, all the indifference, all the pain for not being able to measure up. And it hurts, it hurts more than people know and sometimes more than the Plan B girl is aware. As for myself I analyze and I cry, many nights, silently as I lay alone in bed. Every night my mind is unsettled for never having been enough, not enough looks, not enough money, not enough intelligence, not enough interdependence, not enough character… simply not enough.

Of course I do not want to continue in a state of discouragement for my sisters who long for a meaningful and loving relationship. Being able to identify in what relation you are to a future prospect is an empowering affirmation. It will give you the ability to discern placement and give you the option whether to participate… or not! This newfound freedom will only assist in elevating your awareness from which you are what you desire most. From what you are aware allows the psyche to no longer be afraid. Renunciation of fear gives rise to freedom for it is the shadow of ignorance that binds our bodies from enlightenment. Freedom from bondage gives way once more to: Love

Peace, Love and Bliss
Angelah

Loss of an Icon--Elizabeth Taylor

Born in February 1932, Elizabeth Taylor charmed us thru decades and beyond with her natural exuberance, style and grace. Having acted since she was 9 years old, Taylor captivated audiences in almost 75 movies and television appearances landing her two best actress academy awards as well as being placed 7th on the American Film Institute’s Female Legends List.

Although I have never seen her first film, I do remember the first movie I experienced Elizabeth Taylor and that is Jane Eyre released in 1944. She had a small part but played an extraordinary role as the curly hair, bright eyed companion of the young Jane Eyre. Even through the quality of a black and white film, Taylor illuminated with the pizazz of color. The best was yet to come as later that year she starred in a movie which catapulted her career at the tender age of 12. We all remember Elizabeth riding a horse with her long flowing hair blowing as she played Velvet Brown in National Velvet. Of course falling off the horse has been attributed to the many years Taylor endured back problems but we still applaud her stellar performance.

Elizabeth Taylor went on to make many films but that which most strike audiences was her role as Kay Banks in 1950’s version Father of the Bride which became her first real box office success. Much attributed to Metro’s now known as MGM publicity campaign coordinating the films released with Taylor’s first marriage with Hotel heir Conrad “Nicky” Hilton. The wedding dress she wore in Father of the Bride was the most copied dress of that decade. Taylor also attributed to the feminine attribute of fashion in her 1958 film “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” where she slinked around in a white slip, making undergarment sales in departments stores increase. It was films such as those and Butterfield 8 which led her to win her first academy award, that iconized Elizabeth Taylor and uplifted her to sex symbol status.

Taylor continued her stronghold on cinema and men as she played Cleopatra igniting an off screen romance with Richard Burton whom she married twice. Yes we all remember the jewelry gave her including the Taylor-Burton diamond a 69.42 carat pear shaped carved from a rough stone weighing 240 carats. I guess diamonds really are a girl’s best friend… And so we continue on as there are just to many movies that we love starring Elizabeth Taylor.

As her film career dwindled, she reinvented herself in the perfume industry releasing White Diamonds. Of course we all remember seeing Taylor in the commercial giving the card shark a diamond earring and saying “These have always brought me luck.” White Diamonds along with her other two fragrances, Passion and Black Pearls yields an estimated 200 million in annual sales combined.

Most noted throughout Elizabeth Taylor’s career is her humanitarian efforts in AIDS related charities earning her the Jean Herscholt Humanitarian Academy Award in 1992. She helped create the American Foundation for AIDS Research (amfAR) after the death of her former costar and friend, Rock Hudson. She also created her own AIDS foundation, the Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation (ETAF). By 1999, Taylor had helped to raise over $50 million to fight the disease. A great achievement indeed in such a short span of time. Elizabeth Taylor also supported Michael Jackson during his molestation charges and was one of the few attendees at his private funeral.

So now we must bid adieu to a legendary, actress, jewelry designer, fashionista and humanitarian. Another Icon of our time, until we meet again, Rest in Peace.

Grand Dames of Fashion

In honor of Women's History Month, I decided to write about my first and only love, Fashion. One cannot speak of fashion without mentioning these two revolutionary icons who held their own in a male domintated profession. So I pay homage to the two great women who taught me the simplicity and grace of style.

With hats in hand Gabriele “Coco” Chanel bursted on the fashion scene with her straight lined, non-corseted jersey dresses making plain, bold. With no frills or ruffles, European aristocrats grabbed onto the simple, muted tones of Chanel’s “poor boy look” which was a significant change from the bulky colorful dresses and hats adorned with plumes. Chanel took reigns as a couturian making sophisticated comfort the new chic style.

In the early 1920’s her empire expanded to the realm of parfums and the trademark Chanel suits still being worn by selective elite women to this day. As the Great Depression migrated from the West , Coco Chanel revolutionized the little black dress catapulting the color of mourning into the choice of cocktail parties. To date Chanel’s legacy still lives on as an iconic legend with a multitude of films and documentaries depicting her life, showing that dressing like a plain Jane can be quite feminine.

Labeled “Queen of the 7th Avenue” Donna Karan headed the creative team for designer Anne Klein before launching her own label in 1985. Offering mix and match essential pieces, Donna Karan revitalized simplicity in providing comfort in a sleek design. Optimizing her portfolio to sportswear, menswear, accessories and cosmetics she has dominated all areas handling with ease and intelligence. Her signature line DKNY has been widely accepted by women from all walks of life generating over half Donna Karan’s apparel sales.

Her myriad of awards from the Council of Fashion Designers including a lifetime achievement has landed this legendary fashionista a status lasting in the industry for over 25 years. Donna Karan has since sold her company to Louis Vuitton and thrown herself in philanthropic efforts such as her up and coming Urban Zen Initiative, a center devoted to preserving culture and empowering children.

Peace, Love and Bliss
Angela-Ah

Crisis- No Missed Opportunity

It is said that there is no such thing as a missed opportunity, one just has to recognize that not all opportunities are appropriate at this time. For example, this year I was supposed to be on my way to the Aswan area of Egypt, touring down the Nile on a two week discovery of self and research. Yet I was unable to partake upon this spiritually educating sabbatical as one of my benefactors fell thru. Although a cleansing in one of the world's oldest civilizations is exactly what I need at this moment, the "opportunity" would have been extremely dangerous had I went as planned in March/April; as we are all aware of the civil unrest currently residing in the middle east.

What I perceived a year ago as an opportunity to visit the ruins of my homeland now built up into a resort area, would have actually turned out to be the yin of crisis placing my life and general well-being at risk. Yet my missed opportunity actually became a redirective catalyst of promotion resulting in a novel, a radio show, and the finding of many interesting people that I would not otherwise have encountered nor sought out. Don't get me wrong the road has not been easy as I have suffered great loss in the past year thru death, broken engagement, multiple accidents and cancer yet the rewards and respect have been unimaginable. I believe it was John F. Kennedy who stated in his 1959 address "When written in Chinese the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters - one represents danger and the other represents opportunity." As I think back to my most opportunistic endeavors, they have emerged from "crisis."

Had my daughter not been attacked by teachers and administrators in Champaign Schools, I would have never met some amazing advocates or most importantly communed with God whom I call Anu (sumerion). I also would not have time to study ancient texts such as the Book of Thoth, Lost Book of Enki, Papyrus of Ani or the Kama Sutra which I discovered was hardly about sex as westerners have so corrupted it to be. Had my daughter not been diagnosed with Autism, I would not have become a teacher being inspired to assist other young individuals who struggle with impairments and disabilities. The list can go on for myself but I digress.

So maybe former President Kennedy and the chinese are correct their thought processes that out of every crisis emerges both elements: danger and opportunity. You just have to simply differentiate between the two characters.

Peace, Love and Bliss

Angelah