Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Intimate Relations Thwarted by Twilight: Breaking Dawn

Breaking Dawn gives a twisted perception of love and relationships. Yes it is true that at times you may have to let someone whom you love go, but generally partnerships should not be about giving up who you are or was born to be for the other. This all-encompassing eternal love is riddled in a web of self-betrayal, martyrdom and infidelity.

View the full article on Keys To Relationships

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Accepting People for Who They Are: Men as Predators

As I have reflected upon this year’s journey of growth, the lesson has been about seeing people for who they truly are and accepting them for only operating from the toolkit they have been bred. In the past I walked around with rose colored glasses betraying myself and being a disservice to others by giving my love freely in the expectation that the will would transform and transmogrify individuals into what they are not. Although in theory this was a great practice, attempting to find the good in others and magnifying, in today’s society where most people are self-serving, self-consuming, self-centered, self-indulgent, self-seeking, all the “self” words except for selfless, that utopian thought is as detrimental as Russian roulette.

For me the most profound reflection always occur through the minds of men. More so those I share an intimate connection, which is where I find most women, manage to entrap themselves. I promised myself I would not date younger men, broke my promise once, never again. All they do is break your heart; all men break your heart. They take the wonderful time they shared with you, all the ups and downs only to soil it by using what they have learned against you. Men are the quintessential predators, politely put “hunters”, with the goal to study you, entrap you, kill you and eat you.

They comfort their egos by announcing they are doing what is best, for them. They find solace in making the right decision, for them. They justify their actions by placing the blame on the woman or her child. “I can’t deal with your mood swings, they’re bringing me down.” “Your child makes me anxious.” “Living with you was unbearable.” There are probably thousands of more of these blame reels spinning around, those are the ones that stick out the most in my mind.
(excerpt from I Love You…But I love Me)

Men have been left without devises to counterbalance their predatory methods, leaving them incapacitated to fully love. We women engage in the game of flirtation, being sweet and demure because that is what Cinderella and Momma taught us to do. What they both kept from us is that the frog never turns into Prince, and if you fall into a deep sleep more than likely the toad prince put you there. We were not told that Sir Lance-a-lot was actually the Devil in disguise sent to separate you from true Queenship, soiling your heart so that you may never access the office of wife again. When they are finished, they return to the hole of hell only to resurface for the next moment to consume their victim.

So how do you ask? How do I deal? How do I heal? How do I accept and forgive? The task is not simple as some may say. I have been told to pray for healing, I have been told talk or write about it, I have been told to meditate and I have been told to simply just forget. All are good words of advice, but for me they did not work separately. I prayed, I became more anxious; I talk or write, I became more obsessive; I meditated, I became more discouraged; I try to forget, but the past continue to recycle through every aspect of my life.

One thing I have discovered is all of the above is meant for you not him. Writing or talking must be accompanied by your truth good and bad. I say “your” because he will have his truth, does not mean you or his truth is not true, just that it belongs to each individual. Praying must be for your salvation not vindictiveness to him. Meditation is to access your higher thought which will disallow abuse. Past cannot be forgotten for it is yours for the taking to learn, grow and use at a tool for the creation of future. In order to accept and forgive, the rose colored glasses must come off. You must be willing to understand that a seed bred and born in men cannot be changed – the seed of predator, oops my bad, hunter. She who has understanding, has knowledge and therefore can accept truth for what it is, in whatever for it shows up.

In order to fully heal, you must delve down into the depths of despair, sifting through the broken pieces to find some salvageable debris from which you can reconstruct a foundation without him. Author and Motivational Speaker Iyanla Vanzant spoke on the Oprah Winfrey show 13 years ago “You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.” (Oprah Lifeclass Webcast Letting Go of Anger

Right now, I am in that open wound, digging deep to find that core from which I will soon share my findings with the world. Until that day when I can finally close my eyes, exhale a breath and say Ah so I may live once more.

Peace, Love & Bliss

Friday, November 18, 2011

Why Do I Not Want to BE Married

Married couples sometimes question themselves and ask why did I get married? Tyler Perry covered this very subject in two movies bearing the same name of that question. Yet there are many divorcees and single men and women out there who have not asked themselves “Why do I not want to BE married?”

As of late I have discovered my surrounding of females who want the benefits or perks of marriage but not the responsibility. This means she wants provision, protection and security and proclamation that she is the one and only. Yet in return these females refuse to provide support, encouragement, assistance, management (finances, children, romance) and overall balance. In my discovery, I have found that these certain females do not fully understand the responsibility in the role of wife or do they?

In the first “Why Did I Get Married” movie, the men sat around the lanai discussing a concept called the 80/20 rule. Meaning you only get about 80% of what you put into your marriage. The discussion further elaborates on how due to the 20% you oftentimes end up lusting for that which your marriage is lacking. So if the man’s role or responsibility in the marriage consists of building or preparing the foundation, providing the necessary resources, protecting the environment, and proclaiming that as his, he will only receive in return 80% of wife’s role and responsibility of love, support, encouragement, assistance, management, balance. Ipso facto there is a deficit on both sides reserved for the individual to complete with the tools held within which provides the 100% satisfaction guarantee. Unfortunately the 20% lust is often traded in for love of self and sometimes sought out elsewhere.

Divine partnership or marriage is having the ability to be separate, whole individuals while maintaining a togetherness which allows the freedom to flow into oneness. It is basic mathematical equations also known as fractions. 1/1 = 1. If either partner is not whole they cannot create wholeness. So instead of discovering full self, one attempts to grasp the pieces of both worlds single and married to gain satisfaction or acceptance. Unwilling to clearly state, I don’t want to be married for I do not fully know myself or I just don’t know how to be wife/husband.

In the 1999 movie Runaway Bride starring Julie Roberts and Richard Gere, Ike Graham (the character played by Gere) jeered at Robert’s character Maggie Carpenter for her lack of knowing self that she could not even pick out her own eggs. After the last runaway wedding, Maggie had to go on a self-exploration to cut away fear and find the whole self within and from there she was able to finally settle down.
So in this question of “why do I not want to be married,” ask yourself do I truly know who I am, what I want, what I am afraid of?

“The explanation is very clear
to be wife is to have no fear
in the knowing that I am here,
to guide you in plenteous cheer”
(excerpt from 35 Poems Breakning of Anu Dawn)

Nosce te ipsum (Know Thyself) and from that flows all right relationships 100% satisfaction guarantee.
Peace, Love & Bliss