Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Eat Pray Love - The Escape Journey

In referencjavascript:void(0)e to the article in regarding Tyra Banks recent break-up she along with many other women have join the spiritual cleansing of Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the best-selling book “Eat Pray Love.” In this revolutionary concept, we all have fell in love with the silver screen adaptation of the book starring the lovely Julia Roberts and Spanish heartthrob Javier Bardem as Liz (Julia) traipses off to Italy, India and Bali after giving everything in a divorce and losing self while dating. After her yearlong sabbatical she finds balance, release of fear and love. The question posed in Madame Noire is whether or not a spiritual journey is a “good way to mend a broken heart?”

For those who read the book “Eat Pray Love,” the impression is not that Liz went on her journey to heal relationship wounds with others but more so those wounds of self. For most women there is a time of reflection between relationships where one considers the ups and downs, mistakes and successes. On the other hand those who desire to enter a spiritual journey do not do so because of their outer relationships but the inner and divine relationship stemming from a point where you just feel as if you have missed the mark on an area of your life. It begins by identifying a pattern that appears repeatedly and the question of why is sought out to receive a truth filled answer.

In the midst of my life, I like many women and men who reach a certain age with a sense of lack of fulfillment begin to question why am I here, what am I doing, where should I be. You may feel compelled to seek the answer outside of self at first but once you attempt to no avail, you finally realize that the journey of self cannot be sought outside. This is what I believe both Liz and Tyra’s excursions are based upon.

It is a wonder how in today’s so called "progressive" society when a woman decides to journey; it is perceived it is all due to a man, as if women cannot seek out evolution. If a man was to travel for a period seeking a oneness with spirit he would be considered a highly spiritual man on the path to becoming a guru. Have we been so consumed with political correctness that we fail to expound upon the inequities and prejudices continued to be branded in our minds? We must keep in mind that a spiritual journey it usually transpires from a significant change in situation. It is not the end result that fuels the passage but rather the continuous results in relation to others similar in nature and that has nothing to do with race, color, religion or sex. One day the light bulb finally comes on and you it finally makes sense as you ask yourself “what the hell am I doing with myself” and so the voyage begins to find the answer and start anew.

This is where I say AH
Peace, Love and Bliss


Be sure to check out my live radio brodcast of Angel AH Moments Every Thursday Morning 90.1fm WEFT. Listen online

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The I-Factor

In reference to the Today show health article Sex or Generosity? generosity has been deemed “a key element to a happy marriage” as conducted in a study with the aid of the Center for Marriage and Families.

When two people get married, it is said, they trade in the “I” for “we” and “us” who show a unified state or does it? Although not aware, the I-Factor comes in more forms than just self. In Roman Numerals it represents one, meaning the first of all numbers, the beginning. The Greeks use I as iota being that of the smallest amount although it has a numeric value of 10 which in numerology is still first. In the case of couples, the I-factor should be known as Intimacy, the close, personal relationship where one shares knowledge, understanding, affection and love with that of another.

For Full Article please visit

Monday, December 5, 2011

Marriages Today: Sacred or Buffornery?

If you are a Braxton’s Family Values fan then on December 1, 2011 you caught Tamar’s radio debut on a Chicago station WGCI where the question was posed “Is marriage a dying institution?”

Braxton Family Values Season 2: Ep. 3 - A Snooping Dog Part 2 upload by AshleyShyMiller

Two callers were featured to discuss their takes on marriage along with external factors and solutions. Though the topic was not presented for a great amount of time, it affected me enough to wonder “Marriages Today: Sacred or Buffoonery?

Please Visit For Full Discussion

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Intimate Relations Thwarted by Twilight: Breaking Dawn

Breaking Dawn gives a twisted perception of love and relationships. Yes it is true that at times you may have to let someone whom you love go, but generally partnerships should not be about giving up who you are or was born to be for the other. This all-encompassing eternal love is riddled in a web of self-betrayal, martyrdom and infidelity.

View the full article on Keys To Relationships

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Accepting People for Who They Are: Men as Predators

As I have reflected upon this year’s journey of growth, the lesson has been about seeing people for who they truly are and accepting them for only operating from the toolkit they have been bred. In the past I walked around with rose colored glasses betraying myself and being a disservice to others by giving my love freely in the expectation that the will would transform and transmogrify individuals into what they are not. Although in theory this was a great practice, attempting to find the good in others and magnifying, in today’s society where most people are self-serving, self-consuming, self-centered, self-indulgent, self-seeking, all the “self” words except for selfless, that utopian thought is as detrimental as Russian roulette.

For me the most profound reflection always occur through the minds of men. More so those I share an intimate connection, which is where I find most women, manage to entrap themselves. I promised myself I would not date younger men, broke my promise once, never again. All they do is break your heart; all men break your heart. They take the wonderful time they shared with you, all the ups and downs only to soil it by using what they have learned against you. Men are the quintessential predators, politely put “hunters”, with the goal to study you, entrap you, kill you and eat you.

They comfort their egos by announcing they are doing what is best, for them. They find solace in making the right decision, for them. They justify their actions by placing the blame on the woman or her child. “I can’t deal with your mood swings, they’re bringing me down.” “Your child makes me anxious.” “Living with you was unbearable.” There are probably thousands of more of these blame reels spinning around, those are the ones that stick out the most in my mind.
(excerpt from I Love You…But I love Me)

Men have been left without devises to counterbalance their predatory methods, leaving them incapacitated to fully love. We women engage in the game of flirtation, being sweet and demure because that is what Cinderella and Momma taught us to do. What they both kept from us is that the frog never turns into Prince, and if you fall into a deep sleep more than likely the toad prince put you there. We were not told that Sir Lance-a-lot was actually the Devil in disguise sent to separate you from true Queenship, soiling your heart so that you may never access the office of wife again. When they are finished, they return to the hole of hell only to resurface for the next moment to consume their victim.

So how do you ask? How do I deal? How do I heal? How do I accept and forgive? The task is not simple as some may say. I have been told to pray for healing, I have been told talk or write about it, I have been told to meditate and I have been told to simply just forget. All are good words of advice, but for me they did not work separately. I prayed, I became more anxious; I talk or write, I became more obsessive; I meditated, I became more discouraged; I try to forget, but the past continue to recycle through every aspect of my life.

One thing I have discovered is all of the above is meant for you not him. Writing or talking must be accompanied by your truth good and bad. I say “your” because he will have his truth, does not mean you or his truth is not true, just that it belongs to each individual. Praying must be for your salvation not vindictiveness to him. Meditation is to access your higher thought which will disallow abuse. Past cannot be forgotten for it is yours for the taking to learn, grow and use at a tool for the creation of future. In order to accept and forgive, the rose colored glasses must come off. You must be willing to understand that a seed bred and born in men cannot be changed – the seed of predator, oops my bad, hunter. She who has understanding, has knowledge and therefore can accept truth for what it is, in whatever for it shows up.

In order to fully heal, you must delve down into the depths of despair, sifting through the broken pieces to find some salvageable debris from which you can reconstruct a foundation without him. Author and Motivational Speaker Iyanla Vanzant spoke on the Oprah Winfrey show 13 years ago “You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.” (Oprah Lifeclass Webcast Letting Go of Anger

Right now, I am in that open wound, digging deep to find that core from which I will soon share my findings with the world. Until that day when I can finally close my eyes, exhale a breath and say Ah so I may live once more.

Peace, Love & Bliss

Friday, November 18, 2011

Why Do I Not Want to BE Married

Married couples sometimes question themselves and ask why did I get married? Tyler Perry covered this very subject in two movies bearing the same name of that question. Yet there are many divorcees and single men and women out there who have not asked themselves “Why do I not want to BE married?”

As of late I have discovered my surrounding of females who want the benefits or perks of marriage but not the responsibility. This means she wants provision, protection and security and proclamation that she is the one and only. Yet in return these females refuse to provide support, encouragement, assistance, management (finances, children, romance) and overall balance. In my discovery, I have found that these certain females do not fully understand the responsibility in the role of wife or do they?

In the first “Why Did I Get Married” movie, the men sat around the lanai discussing a concept called the 80/20 rule. Meaning you only get about 80% of what you put into your marriage. The discussion further elaborates on how due to the 20% you oftentimes end up lusting for that which your marriage is lacking. So if the man’s role or responsibility in the marriage consists of building or preparing the foundation, providing the necessary resources, protecting the environment, and proclaiming that as his, he will only receive in return 80% of wife’s role and responsibility of love, support, encouragement, assistance, management, balance. Ipso facto there is a deficit on both sides reserved for the individual to complete with the tools held within which provides the 100% satisfaction guarantee. Unfortunately the 20% lust is often traded in for love of self and sometimes sought out elsewhere.

Divine partnership or marriage is having the ability to be separate, whole individuals while maintaining a togetherness which allows the freedom to flow into oneness. It is basic mathematical equations also known as fractions. 1/1 = 1. If either partner is not whole they cannot create wholeness. So instead of discovering full self, one attempts to grasp the pieces of both worlds single and married to gain satisfaction or acceptance. Unwilling to clearly state, I don’t want to be married for I do not fully know myself or I just don’t know how to be wife/husband.

In the 1999 movie Runaway Bride starring Julie Roberts and Richard Gere, Ike Graham (the character played by Gere) jeered at Robert’s character Maggie Carpenter for her lack of knowing self that she could not even pick out her own eggs. After the last runaway wedding, Maggie had to go on a self-exploration to cut away fear and find the whole self within and from there she was able to finally settle down.
So in this question of “why do I not want to be married,” ask yourself do I truly know who I am, what I want, what I am afraid of?

“The explanation is very clear
to be wife is to have no fear
in the knowing that I am here,
to guide you in plenteous cheer”
(excerpt from 35 Poems Breakning of Anu Dawn)

Nosce te ipsum (Know Thyself) and from that flows all right relationships 100% satisfaction guarantee.
Peace, Love & Bliss

Friday, September 30, 2011

Greatness pt. 2 -- The Journey Begins

The time of planting seeds and awaiting the harvest has vastly approached us all. This is a time to shed old skins and resurface anew. There is a shift occurring right now, a transformative spirit of higher consciousness. As we begin this transformational period into the spiritual consciousness of freedom the poetic beat within us all draws us closer. The pull is so powerfully magnanimous that one has no choice but to either succumb and submit or fight against in order to uphold the egotistical ideologies and conditionings bred for many generations. The time is now to begin once again, to start over and remember what we are all here to do… LOVE.

Yes that is correct; the Revolution of Evolution has forsaken us and brought our generation into the present time of nothingness. This happening is sweeping us from the lowliest valleys to the snow-capped mountains, churning, turning, burning in us all. For first it must occur in the spiritual before it appears in the natural. First it must be thought before it becomes form in order to manifest into a state of being: I AM.

The Re Volution spiral into infinite space for it is everlasting life which is freedom: Freedom of thought, Freedom of action, Freedom of change. It is all releasing from the chains that bind into an infinite space of absolution. Something is formed from the nothingness, wrapped in a crystallized hourglass filled with sand of one time: Now.

This formulation will create Anu World Order, for the shell of the old holds the seed of the new. The emergence will be so great we will all live victoriously in perfect balance and harmony once more. The Sumerians, Mayans, Egyptians and Greeks continue to have us awe stricken from their manifestation of this true potential. These phenomenal occurrences are so foreign to us we often call it alien or extra-terrestrial. For Alien is a foreign concept, Ali En, Ali being that of elevation or exaltation and En (An) which is one. So in essence what we have is one who is elevated or exalted. We have immortalized these aliens’ as such sentient beings in a time and space called history. Yes it is his story, their story, our story, yours and mine the absolute truth…LOVE

Truth is love
Love is truth

Re Volution Love is God’s spiral turning continuously in infinite space. This is the galaxy, the universe, a vortex which sucks you into infinite discovery. From that all things flow in its abundant natural order of outer chaos, for chaos is the black hole of death, despair, apathy and contempt. This optimization of hatred is no longer operational for the scales must be re-calibrated to restore balance once more. Love must reside inside us all, radiating outside our bodies, illuminating the entire universe. The lesser light must be shifted and transformed into the greater light and as we move through the darkness unveiling truth, the greatest light shall be revealed bringing forth bliss or Utopia, the promise land which is available to us all.

Peace, Love & Bliss

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Walk In Your Greatness!

I often subscribe to the philosophy that we all have the potential for Greatness. After all we are cut from the same cloth of the most infinite, perfect being in all the universal creations. We are governed by natural and supernatural/spiritual laws and once that combination of Earthly and Heavenly realms join together in harmonious balance, our light will radiate at full optimization.

As I was listening to Common speak at the University of Illinois, September 21 about “shrinking down” so that others may shine or feel comfortable, I felt as if he was talking to me personally. Earlier that day I had the conversation with an intelligent and talented friend, whose electricity was turned off, regarding our greatest gift residing in a state of lack. I explained to her how I was extremely tired at the way she and I shrink and cower down to others for their own comfort ability at the sacrifice of our own. This was the exact story Common was relating in the evening, and I felt the connection of His Story becoming My Story and essentially progressing to Our Story.

During the lecture, Common quoted from Marianne Williamson’s poem Our Deepest fear:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear
is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually who are we not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people
won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine as children do.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And when we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
- Marianne Williamson (A Return to Love)

As I pondered on the fact of that being one of my favorite poems, I though Absolutely! Because I AM Powerful. When operating in fear, you become inadequate because the fear places you in bondage. All the recession, depression, suppression, oppression and every other Im-pressions is nothing more than the chains that bind you from greatness. More times than not it is our very own fear that is used against ourselves to hinder us from achieving ALL That I AM.

Yet as Tyrese Gibson says in his book How to Get Out of Your Own Way he was told by Will Smith you can tell the direction your life and career is going by the five people you spend the most time with. For those family, friends, roommates, partners and children are placed in your presence to show you who you are. They magnify either your Greatness or your Fear.

So in this present moment, the concentration and focus should be that of eliminating fear… right now. The more you shed the chains that bind the shadow side of self, the brighter your light becomes until you reach full luminosity. For it is written only at the moment of greatest darkness that truly the light of self can be seen.
Peace, Love, Bliss

Monday, September 12, 2011

I Shouldn't...Should I

“You know what Pennington? You really are a punk!”

He stood up to face Tracey, “What!”

“That’s right I said it, a P-U-N-K, punk. Your problem is that you sprung on that fake wanna be black Barbie with her southern charm and cantaloupe breasts.”

“Now, hold the hell up! You can’t go dissin’ my girl.”

“I can’t huh?” Tracey folded her arms, “Well if she yo girl, than why you at my house instead of hers?”

Tyron’s face went blank, that was a good question. How could he be defending Felicia in another woman’s home? He rubbed his chin looking for the right words to explain his position. He walked closer to Tracey making her move back. She fell on the sofa and scooted to the far end. Tyron moved in close to her.

“You know it’s all about you girl.”

She looked at him in disbelief, “Whateva. Don’t try that smooth, playa stuff on me. Save it for someone who hasn’t slept with you.”

Tyron’s smirk turned into a frown “Here we go again, now why you gotta go drudge up the past. Besides wasn’t it fun while it lasted?”

Tracey rolled her eyes, “Don’t flatter yourself, it wasn’t all that.”

“Yea right. You wouldn’t be so bitter if all this hadn’t affected you.”

He rubbed his chest down to his private parts. Tracey swallowed and nervously laughed to hide Tyron’s insidious actions. He grabbed her arms, pushed her down on the sofa and started tickling her body. She begged him to stop his playful torture before she got to erotically aroused. He placed an arm on each side of her body and leaned in for a kiss.

He succulently kissed Tracey, ravishing her mouth into many pulsations. Her body was warming up, ready to shed all her articles of clothing. She slightly pulled back from the intimate interlude, remembering he did have a girlfriend. Although she did not like Felicia, she could not disrespect another black female. The man shortage was not as prevalent as society portrayed. At one time she would not have given a second thought to being with someone’s man, but that was a different place, time and person.

As Tyron moved from her lips to her neck, Tracey stopped him. His hand was already rising up underneath her shirt in preparation to free her orbs from bondage. She knew she had to speak up before he took her to a place she could not escape.

“What about Felicia?”

He stopped and looked up in her eyes with confusion, “Huh?”

Tracey slid from underneath Tyron’s frame, sat up and pulled her shirt down. “I said what about your woman? You know, Felicia.”

“C’mon Tracey. Don’t you want this?” Tyron moved in close to her for another kiss.

She pushed him off her, “Go home to your girl!”

“What the hell is up with you?”

Tracey rose from the couch infuriated. She walked to the front door shaking her head. All she could think about was how clueless men were. They just always assumed a woman was supposed to fawn and fall at their feet just because they pay her a little attention. She opened the door nonverbally ordering Tyron out her home.

(Excerpt In A Dream by Renée Angelah)

At some point the opportunity arises where one is faced with the challenge of engaging with another man or woman’s significant other. Whether a couple is dating or married, singles have been approached by a person who is in a relationship and offered the notion of joining the group. Now I am not discussing polygamy cults where there is one man to 29 wives for it is my belief those men are simply predators. I am speaking from the everyday run of the mill cat who knows they are in a relationship yet seek out another woman or man for a momentary self-gratification.

As of late, I have been engaged in conversations with women who are knowingly in affairs. When asked “WHY?” I am given responses such as “I love him,” “he pays my bills,” “they all cheat,” “there are no good available single men,” or simply “I am lonely.” These women have pushed aside all guilt and self-loathing of involvement with another woman’s man for the comfort of having a taste, just a sliver of a man.

While I pondered the many times I have been approached by unavailable men, I often wonder what mechanism within me has halted me from going to the next level. I have been offered airline tickets, romantic interludes, paid cars and of course absolutely nothing but, that piece of man. Yet once I become aware that the man is attached, and trust me ladies when I say this, the man has no problem telling you he is involved, for me pursuance is over.

With the media perpetuating non monogamous behaviors coupled with the ease of social networking, cheating is more readily accepted than ever before. The dating pool once utilized in our own backyards has now become an ocean where all fish can swim together. So I must ask, In a society where the perception is women outnumber men and the truly good ones are already taken, it behooves me to wonder can a woman engage in an affair and still be respected by others as well as self?

An affair is a touchy subject to converse upon due to the parties involved. It has been my perception that the ones engaged in such acts create this world where they do not have to be faced with the reality of cheating. I know of one woman who is in an extra marital affair that does not ever want her “boyfriend” to discuss his wife. When faced with the question of why, her response is “she doesn’t want to think about him being with another woman.” Yet it is not just another woman, she is his wife and this woman knowingly entered into a relationship with a married man and no amount of ignoring negates the reality and truth. This woman (who happens to be a dear friend) often asks “When will I get my turn?” Sometimes I want to scream “you’re in an affair, it’ll never be your turn.” Although that is the truth I don’t say what I’m thinking, because that will hurt her feelings.

Over the weekend I watched several plays where this very subject of affairs was introduced. In the first play I saw a woman who only pursued married men because she just wanted someone who would pay her bills. In the second play a professional woman pursued a married man because he was hurting over his wife cheating on him. Both women had the perception that if the men were getting what they needed at home then they would not have cheated. The professional woman went so far as to say that her “boyfriend’s” wife gave him to her.

Ironically I find these women often rationalize their actions as if they have found the key and unlocked the code to surviving relationships. They exude a self-confidence that makes them feel superior over others as if they have mastered the art of relationships or… do they? In one of the above mentioned plays, a client explained to the girl who wanted a married man to “just pay a bill” that only a woman who has the lowest self-esteem will actively pursue another woman’s man. I believe the same applies for men as well, for those who chase unavailable are not truly searching for love and commitment.

Furthermore if a man or woman pursues someone who is seemingly attached, is it not safe to say that if a person will cheat with a cheater than they will also cheat on the cheater. Taking this a step forward, eventually when the karma returns to haunt the space and as the cheat becomes exposed, do not the liabilities far outweigh the benefits? Lives are shattered, emotions destroyed and capacities to receive the beauty of true love within is compromised and all for what? A sliver of a man or woman. In essence the cheat turns into the cheater and eventually will get cheated.

Now that’s food for thought so I must say AH!

Peace, Love & Bliss


Purchase your copy of "In A Dream"

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Is It Really Love?

“Celeste not only wept for Tracey but for every woman and girl who feels alone and frightened in a world that rejects them for not being enough: Not enough looks, not enough smarts, not enough money, not enough personality, just not enough.”
Excerpt from “In A Dream” by Renée Angelah

The perception of not being enough can make the most attractive, intelligent being feel as if they are less than worthy of having all that life offers. In relationships especially, that lack of care and compassion from your significant other can break down all senses and sensibilities. An otherwise rational being can act extremely erratic all due to a loss of the love connection. Most often that loss of love is coupled with a tearing down of the spirit thru the pointing out of one’s faults, lack and limitations. The recipient internalizes these false projections allowing them to fester and ultimately consume their entire being. Dr. Darren Weisman, author of Infinite Love & Gratitude, stated “the closest thing to death is an intellectual attack.” Why? Because once someone gets inside your head and makes you believe their untruth, then love is lost. Where there is no love, there is no creation; where there is no creation, there is no life; where there is no life than you are essentially a dead man walking.

It is amazing how much people utilize love as a form of punishment, “I’m teaching him/her a lesson,” or “I’m issuing tough love.” There is no such thing as tough love and one cannot teach a state of being from which you, yourself are not residing. When people withhold love for their own selfish reasons that is not being love, that’s acting In Love with the operative term of course is “acting.”

Love is simple and resilient.
Love defies all laws of human understanding.
Love is the ultimate surrendering,
so that the force of life can flow thru.
Love is the manifestation of your perfect/divine Self

We often confuse love with so many other things: power over people, ego, lust, sacrifice. Yet love is simply put, Just Love. Love does not have to apologize for your actions and behaviors for when one is truly being love the universe will operate in balanced harmony. Love is about accepting the present state of every living, breathing organism and appreciating what it has to offer at that moment. Love is seeing the beauty of interdependence correlating in syncopated synchronicity. Love is the poetic flow of rhythmic energies creating heightened vibrations to form Anu World Order.

So the next time we feel as if tearing someone down or pointing out all their faults is for their own good, stop and think...Are you truly being love or acting out hate.

This is where I say AH

Peace, Love and Bliss

Sunday, August 28, 2011

The Disappearing Act

While I was at the Farmer’s Market watching patrons passing by, the vendor next to me arrived late in a state of confusion and sadness. Here she was this talented, creative, Caucasian female in her early to mid-40’s completely discombobulated, attempting to put up her displays for sell. The reasoning for this wonderfully gifted lady’s immense pain and despair… Her boyfriend. That’s correct she was knocked all the way off her square because of her relationship. As tears filled her eyes, I overheard this woman discussing with a friend and fellow market vendor how her significant other played the disappearing act using the excuse he thought she wanted time away from him. Of course this discussion was after she already found out he was cheating and before he made the final say to break up.

I thought to myself, wow, here I felt as if I was the only one going thru such a heinously childish as my ex played the same game over a year ago and more recently the first man I genuinely showed interest since my ex-fiancée’s departure, also played the disappearing act. So here we were, two industrious beings attempting to sell our creations amidst a low level energy field all due to a couple of assholes. Although we both put up a good front, it was obvious that neither one of us could be productive in our sales without the peaceful nor happy energy needed to radiate and influence others toward our goods. I left the Market early, defeated, for letting yet another man take my joy as well as interfere with my business. I’m sure my colleague felt the same as she most likely left with less than desirable sales.

It is no mystery that women and men are vastly different, especially in relationships. As I have stated many times, men are ego driven while women on the other hand are highly emotional. With this knowledge, when men are no longer interested, it behooves me to wonder…Why must they play the disappearing act?

Relations is a great game, sometimes it’s a crap shoot, sometimes it’s roulette but oftentimes it’s three-card Monte where the dealer always wins for he holds the secret trick. Unfortunately due to the male shortage they usually hold all the cards. With so many choices the odds for men improves as they shuffle us around in a confusing pattern, making us think we figured out the winning card only to lose when our pick is truly revealed. I must admit I had been prejudiced in my thought processes that this pattern of playa playa mode was most prevalent only among African American females especially since our men appear to have access to every race and culture. After today’s scene I was awakened to the truth that all women are facing this dilemma, especially as the Generation X are maturing.

The sad truth remains that no matter what age, what race or sexual preference, this pattern of disappearing to avoid the emotions is common amongst men. So I ask again, Why do men disappear when they are ready to exit a relationship? How can they so nonchalantly walk away removing themselves from all cycles of emotions? What must we women do to guard ourselves against this emotional disconnect in order to continue functioning?

As I discuss these questions with my girls the answer to why became the simple response of all men are dogs, the how answer was men are too fragile to handle real emotions and what became the reply… Just, Don’t, Care. Of course me being the cynic I am, I could not just accept these responses as absolute truth. Have we women made up these answers and responses to cope and/or make sense of the unknown? What if all men were not really dogs, that in reality the disappearing act is the adjustment time men need to detach themselves as well as give their women the space needed to learn how to live without them. Unfortunately without the conversation taking place, women are often blindsided when the man does not return after going MIA.

So how do we close these lines of miscommunication? I believe first and foremost we must remove the preconceived notions of how women or men are going to behave or think. Men do not want to deal with women’s manipulative emotions while women do not want to have the conversations with men about their needs for fear of being left. These ideas must be eradicated from our minds so that we can be open to dialogue regarding expectations, hopes and desires. We must also learn to share with one another and take into consideration others feelings. The time is no longer acceptable to live within in a low level vibrational ego consciousness, on both sides, but to rise unto higher frequencies of thought and feeling. Let’s all stop disappearing behind the veil of cowardice and unbind the chains of prejudicial fear so that we may emerge victoriously together.

Peace, Love and Bliss

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Stop Hatin on Me and You!

It has been a couple of weeks since my last blog for I’ve been traveling and engaging in extracurricular activities which did not leave much time for thought and reflection. As I visited some friends and family in the southern part of our country, I migrated back up to the Midwest with one haunting topic being repeatedly discussed between me and my girlfriends. This repertoire was that of women hating on other women. Black women are hatin on white women, white women hatin on the sistahs, but worst and most disconcerting is that of black women hatin on one another.

This concept of black on black haterism, I believe, stemmed from the times of slavery when darker slaves were made to work out in the fields while mulattos and lighter slaves maintained coverage of the master’s house. The tradition continued with sororities being rivals such as the AKA’s and the Delta’s who divided themselves based on shades of brown. A philosophy so pathetically discriminate that film maker Spike Lee created a spoof of this ideology in his movie “School Daze.” We all remember the musical scene of the dark skinned, natural hair wearing “jiggaboos” fighting it out with the light bright, straight haired and weave wearing “wannabees” singing about good and bad hair. That scene epitomized the discrimination held across historical black college and universities which are the foundation of African American intellectual culture.

As the tradition continues to this day, it behooves me to wonder, Hatin: Is it conditioning or jealousy? As my girls and I openly explored the topic of black women hating on other black women because one may be lighter or have longer hair, or for myself strutting down the street in a pair of GAP jeans and an Indian print halter top, we could not come up with a valid and logical reasoning for the sneers, jeers and upside down smiles. The only purpose we came to a consensus regarding this heinous crime against self: Jealousy. Yet is this haterism truly based upon the competitiveness and fearfulness of envy?

In my reflection of light skinned vs. darker skin, straight hair vs. kinky hair, made up women vs. natural women I realized that the wounds of self-hate runs deep. The generational curse had been formulated in the minds of African Americans that the closer you are to white the better your opportunities. Take the movie “Imitation of Life” where the character Sarah Jane was so fair-skinned she passed as white only to ridicule and reject her dark mother just because the life of the white family they resided with appeared much happier. As times have changed and segregation has been abolished, we as a society are still hung up on color thus maintaining that gap of light vs. dark.

The other side of the coin is the little green eyed monster that consumes us all. Jealousy, which is mostly based upon fear, of not measuring adequately, remaining unnoticed or being left behind altogether. We let that ego fear take over our intellectual and rational minds only to retreat in an infantile state of being. Never once do we stop and ask ourselves: Why am I hatin? While I was down south, I was thrown into a culture shock. I actually experienced women giving me a compliment and it made me chuckle as I often stated with a shrug “what these old things.” In actuality my shoes which were the focal point of my outfit¸ happen to truly be old, over a decade as a matter of fact. Yet during that decade of residing in the Midwest, wearing my open toed, bling out sandals never afforded one, simple compliment. As I basked in my euphoric state, bliss did not reside long for once I returned home the reconnection of the cynical, non-intellectual talk of jealousy reared its ugly head “she must think she cute” followed by the nervous laugh because deep down my mockers were aware of their ignorant statements. My high came down and I was jolted back into the reality of African American Female Haterism.

Not only was I angry from such asinine remarks, but I was deeply saddened at the thought processes developed within us as black women. In a society where we are demonized by the media, condemned by African American men, mocked by other races, and essentially despised by all, must we females continue to envelope that hatred within ourselves only to overtly display acts of self-inflicted pain? I must say it is a very difficult inner struggle to look at poorly depicted images of self and not be consumed with apathy. The darker woman playing the role as a maid, single and bitter mother or ghetto fabulous sistah girl while lighter women play the role as the main love interest being showered with great clothes, picnics in the park and of course fabulous shoes.

Ladies I say now is the time we must reclaim ourselves and each other. e must be willing to say “it’s okay to wear our nice clothes to places other than work, church and the club.” Now I’m not talking about wearing heels to cook dinner, after all this is not 1950’s June Cleaver “Leave it to Beaver” but of course if that is what you are comfortable doing, I say do your thing. Instead I am proclaiming that we must tell ourselves it’s all good to wear make-up and jewelry as well as have our nails and hair done without the thought of trying to lure a man. We must give ourselves permission to purchase that 1940’s satin nightgown and wear it to bed for self. To put it plainly ladies, let’s get into the practice of self-care, self-esteem and self-love so that we may radiate and appreciate one another for all that we are. The evolution is love: love for self, love for each other, and love for all.

If you feel good, it makes it easier and effortless to exhibit goodness and kindness
to others. Let’s help each other out, whether it’s doing a friends hair and makeup when she is unable or smiling at a perfect stranger and saying “I love your look.” End the cycle of self-loathing and self-hatred in order to walk erect, proud as a peacock in our entire splendor. Stop hatin on ourselves and each other not just for this generation but for the next. Remember trying to tear someone down does not build you up; it only leaves two people broken instead of one. Like the ending of “School Daze” proclaim “Please, Wake UP!”

This is where I say AH

Peace, Love and Bliss