Monday, August 17, 2009
Fasting: Not Just for God but also Self
It has been a couple weeks since my last post, as I have not felt compelled to express my thoughts. The last month has brought into me a feeling of emptiness, a pain I cannot describe. Something I feel and see in the spiritual but not in the physical. Logically I try to shut out input that makes no sense for that is what I have been programmed to do by physical beings known as humans. Unfortunately that is not enough for me, as I have discovered many half truths, untruths, conspiracies and ideologies; what is perceived as real does not exist.
In preparation for Ramadan this week, I have been cleansing my body and mind for the past four days. During Ramadan (very simply put) one cannot eat or drink during daylight hours. August 12 I began the cleansing process by eating only whole grain rice and bread as well as drinking water. I was then lead to eat soup and salad, now i'm controlling my food intake altogether. That was the hardest experience i've encountered in the spiritual realm. It left me dazed and weak, unclear and empty. Everyone could feel my pain, but no one understands; not even me. All I know is for me this fast is more than just doing what is in style at the moment, or some way of creating physical chaos in a world of spiritual confusion. For me this fast is about a recovery from the hurt and pain endured throughout many lifetimes. It is about connecting to a higher source within to unlock truth.
I realized recently that my physical existence has not been operating in truth. What I see is not only what i'm getting, but also what i'm not getting. I do not like maneuvering in a world full of half truths and disconnections, for in order to receive complete truth we have to be connected. Everything and Everyone, we are all part of a whole which equals to the one: God, Allah, Christ, Buddha whatever you choose to address our greatest father; I call it the ALL-Ah (father of all): Anu.
So in this journey I will attempt to find that which I have lost; my soul, my spirit, my energy, my connection and my self. I hope to be successful this time, I hope to come into a completion from which I can be satisfied this time, I hope I will find ALL of me this time.
Peace, Love and Bliss