What is My Purpose!

It has been over a month since I last wrote. Living in a cloud of confusion has awakened me into a consuming realm of chaos, internally. The air I breath, the world I see, that; I Am I commune all caught up in a cloudless smoke, the fog of the morning dew which envelops me in winter harshness. I often wonder where life's journey is taking me, how I will traverse, when will I arrive at the comfort of peace, what treasures I will receive, who will stand at the gates of Heaven when I shed my earthly cloak. These questions haunt me every day as I am consumed with finding a purpose in life. My purpose appears to be everyones purpose, my life everyones life; yet once again I wonder, is it supposed to be my life or everyones?

As I think constantly the many dreams unfulfilled, the many paths, the many journeys we have travelled, I ask myself what: What does it all mean, what is it all for, what will happen, what will be the sacrifice, what will be the reward. Que sera sera (what will be will be), but is it really. Do we really be or are we being for someone else, something else? Those who believe in a higher power will say we are existing for the soul (yes I meant soul and not sole) purpose of returning to the source. The question is do I believe in that explanation any longer, as I am caught in a web of treachery, deception, trickery and loss, do I truly believe the chaos is an illusion or am I beginning to accept it as real. Is this chaos self-created or interrelated?

The creation of chaos is an unconventional path caught up in the mundane works of present life. As I ponder on the self, I am displaced in the fields of opposites. See my thoughts have always been, if you try to be a good person than good will come. That is not the facade being allowed in this universal path as the gravitational pull of negative overshadows my positive. I am barraged with a myriad of endless opposites. The more I seek a purpose, the more it hides from me; the more positive I attempt to be, the more negatives events occur; the more peace I try to accertain, the more chaos consumes; the more faith I have, the more loss I receive. So I retreat into a oneness of self source only to find a void. I call out to a God who no longer answers with the sweet, eloquent, floetry of yesterday's past but a same script of don't be blue, write and produce.

How can I not be blue when I am riddled with the sadness of guilt from a world who no longer cares about humanity, the hue of man. I write no words flow, I still no thoughts manifest, I produce no prosperity arrives. So I am caught in the vortex of chaos, not able to go back and unable to move forward. THIS BLOWS!

So what shall I do, just be, be what? be who? be HE who has abandoned me over and over and over again leaving an empty shell each time. Be they who intrinsically designed an iron clad web of lies which produce hate. Be me when I don't know who or what me is. Having this ability to feel the world's pain has left me incapacitated, laden in a void of mistaken identities and fallen destinies; so much that no longer do I want to feel at all. So I hide behind a mask of witty remarks, paranoid rants, and depressive immobilization. I am told by all to stand up, awaken, pull myself up by the bootstraps. Huh much easier said than done when ever time I stand I am smacked down, every time I awaken I fall back to sleep, ever time I pull myself I am pushed.

So I ask who will fill this cup? Where is the life for self, for me, for I, for you and I, for us, for we,

For ALL, that I AM

Peace, Love and Bliss

Angel-Ah

It's All About HE Not Me

Today I began a new journey towards spiritual enlightenment and fulfillment of God’s purpose for me. As I embark on the trail of discovery to God’s Promise, I will awaken to truth which brings forth peace, joy, love, happiness: bliss. This journey is extremely important to me because it will be the first time I actually take it seriously.

Last year I began a cleansing with the purpose of completing a 35 day period of collecting and correlating vegetarian delights. It was a game to me like hearing the punch line without setting up the joke. This time I desperately want to reach my full potential through the eyes of Anu, the father of ALL, that I AM.

Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.

For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green and shall not be careful in the year of drought neither shall cease from yielding fruit.

Jeremiah 17: 7-8

In order to begin finding purpose one must realize that her purpose truly belongs to our Lord, Anu. It is his will instilled within our hearts, souls and spirits that drives us to our destiny. For within his will cometh our will which is the only law “do as thy will in love.” So how do I keep myself from thinking it’s all about me instead of Him? That’s a hard concept to grasp, especially living in a society of selfish beings; where money and power rules over humanity.

Last year out of desperation for answers I began writing to God Anu with the hopes of receiving his greatest wisdom. My search yielded many prophecies which reigned true such as hurricanes and earthquakes as well as guidance to my own life. Today I continue writing often hoping for more answers to the world’s demise yet coming up with what I thought was nothing. Now I remind myself not only of the prophecies true from Anu but also his great promises from which I hold near and dear.

So back to the question at hand, how do I remember Him as the creator of me and everything that surrounds? First I must read and reaffirm my writings with a fullness of understanding that ALL is in divine order. Although I may not like the process or outcome, everything happens for a reason and meant to serve as the drive toward my purpose. Second I must dig deep and ponder the truest meaning of God’s word for my personal development. Finally whenever Anu knocks, touches, or whispers to me to write, think or act I must say: Yes!

Today I say Yes! to Anu, I say Yes! to his prophecy, I say Yes! to his promises,

I say Yes! to my Purpose: The Final Destiny

Peace, Love and Bliss
Angel-Ah