The other day as I was praying with a friend for God to send That One, you know from which I speak the he that completes the S in she. We were caught in the spirit, just as Snow White joyfully sang “someday my prince will come” while flouncing around happily engaged in domestic work. Of course we all know many of us don’t have time to do that anymore, but I digress. While resting in the spirit, my friend asked the Lord to send us a caliber of man that won’t bring heartache and pain. She stated, “I don’t wanna star in anymore Amityville Horrors.”
I chuckled to myself at such a true, heartfelt request I began to wonder, what happens when the fairy tale is over without the happily ever after? This is when the dream takes over to become a New Nightmare leaving bodies bloodied, severed and out of sorts nestled in an unrested state of hurt and pain. It behooved me to think: How do we women proceed once the prince turns into the toad and starts jumping from pad to pad to pad?
Oftentimes we women retreat into ourselves looking for answers to our perceived flaws: maybe if I was thinner or healthier, maybe if my hair was longer or straighter, maybe if I was better cook, maybe if I made more money, maybe if I was more experienced in the bedroom on and on and on I could go for days playing the “Maybe If I was…” game. We then drive ourselves undeniably, certifiably crazy because of some jerk who not only displaced his inadequacies and insecurities upon us but also felt compelled to fault us for his decision to hop into a greener pasture at the moment.
It has been my experience that when the prince devolves into his amphibian reptilian state, it hardly has anything to do with the woman. He just wants something different and no amount of hair dyes, exercise programs, or kama sutra tricks will make him stay once the decision has been made. Thus and so, you must prepare to get out the line of fire or shield yourself from the wrath that will befall upon you. I remember watching the movie “The Ties that Bind” a film about the trials and tribulations of marriage. In one scene, the young wife was discussing with her mother how her father did not cheat and actually was driven in the arms of another by the mother. The mother commented “Your father left me long before he left (physically.” She further proceeded to say “When they (men) are ready to leave, they get mean.”
I have heard from countless of women who have stated how mean their husbands and boyfriends got in the final months before the relationship ended. I myself experienced the same actions from my ex fiancé during his exit strategy. He became indifferent, cold, distant and when he found his new princess he verbally assaulted my character and being then proceeded to sever all ties. To this day he has not said more than two words to me or my daughter since he left even though we have endured death, surgeries, car accidents, and self-published books.
So how does one proceed after the toad has jumped to the next lily pad? Look for another prince? I think not! For as I said before we women internalize the heartaches leaving ourselves broken and vulnerable. We must 1st get over the ideology of not being enough or being a failure because of the nightmares. We have to realize that the man cheating or leaving or both cheating and leaving is not about us but at the same time such that it is. It is not our wrongs or faults that drove him away but his own desires and sometimes ours when the spirit cries out that something does not feel right. We must continue in the glory of our absolute, perfect selves for that one who says we are more than enough or just exactly the right mix.
Ladies we have been so bamboozled into waiting for the prince to come, that some of us fail to know our full position as Queen upon which we deserve a King. Women leave the Prince to the concubines and handmaidens. So I say that it is now time to arise and take your place amongst the elite. I say it is time to stop pining away over Mr. Frog and move close to My King. I say stop settling for Mr. Right Now and prepare for Mr. Right. I say continue to get up from that lonely bed every morning, organize it with the joy of knowing that another one will reign in the kingdom once more. Even if the next is not “The One” celebrate the moments of the present life enjoying the wonders of a fruitful existence. I say realize that you deserve honor, dignity, respect and the ability to make mistakes. I say be a whole woman and when that toad try to break you down, walk in the assurance that it’s not you, he just searching for the next pad to hop onto. Women I say don’t be afraid to cut the tie because a piece of man in better than none, so is a piece of the puzzle but the picture is so much better to look at complete.
Peace, Love and Bliss