Immobilized In Fear (Revisited)

In October 2009, I wrote about being immobilized in a state of fear, from which I searched diligently to emerge like that phoenix from the ashes. At that point I did not know or understand the future that would befall upon me. Since then I have encountered many extraordinary obstacles as well as moments of great strength full of irresistible dawning. As I stand erect today, I now say no more control over myself by myself.

Many of us reside in the immobilization of our fear, that unchartered territory of the unknown. The journey which leads everywhere, but nowhere, yet somewhere. The fear settles into the pits of our stomachs, crystallizing into the formation of hard stoned rock. It is the fear which leaves you completely neutralized in a position of limitation and lack; unable to step forward, disabled to move back. It is the fear which consumes, that allows hatred to fester, and ultimately cut dreams off at the throat.

This consuming fear leaves one suspended in a cloud of confusion and chaos cocooned in an emotional uproar. The fear settles into an unrest, looking, searching for the truth, the answer of salvation which resides in us all. I myself laid immobilized as the fear of not succeeding, yet succeeding not long enough leaves me stuck in the balance of familiar and unfamiliar. So there I stayed broken down in the shameless, humbleness of yesterday's past experiences, hiding in the immobilization of fear. It left my spirit completely drained asking: When will I be able to raise my head to sit erect, lift my knees to stand upright and move the right foot forward to start the journey anew?

My mind tells me "You've done this before, just move." My fear says "This time it's different and you will lose once more." The years upwardly moving says, I can't afford to lose everything, for I have already loss so much. Yet as I emerge from the depths of despair I remember yes I have fallen many times, yes I have gotten up many times. For the strength resides inside of me, the breaking of the chains that binds me, comes from my change.

We cannot change the outside world, others behaviors, thoughts, actions or inactions. Gas and food prices may continue to rise, individuals may continue to operate in their hatred, prejudice, and sense of entitlement. Corporate and Governmental entities may continue to profit off people utilizing them as products. Society may continue to be angry and sad over the veil resulting in a depression upon which we are left with the feeling of being hoodwinked. Yet I, as an individual, You, as an individual, has one decision, one choice, one outlet: Not to Participate. Change your thoughts, manifest your life joyful.

Peace, Love and Bliss

Angel-Ah