Is It Really Love?

“Celeste not only wept for Tracey but for every woman and girl who feels alone and frightened in a world that rejects them for not being enough: Not enough looks, not enough smarts, not enough money, not enough personality, just not enough.”
Excerpt from “In A Dream” by Renée Angelah

The perception of not being enough can make the most attractive, intelligent being feel as if they are less than worthy of having all that life offers. In relationships especially, that lack of care and compassion from your significant other can break down all senses and sensibilities. An otherwise rational being can act extremely erratic all due to a loss of the love connection. Most often that loss of love is coupled with a tearing down of the spirit thru the pointing out of one’s faults, lack and limitations. The recipient internalizes these false projections allowing them to fester and ultimately consume their entire being. Dr. Darren Weisman, author of Infinite Love & Gratitude, stated “the closest thing to death is an intellectual attack.” Why? Because once someone gets inside your head and makes you believe their untruth, then love is lost. Where there is no love, there is no creation; where there is no creation, there is no life; where there is no life than you are essentially a dead man walking.

It is amazing how much people utilize love as a form of punishment, “I’m teaching him/her a lesson,” or “I’m issuing tough love.” There is no such thing as tough love and one cannot teach a state of being from which you, yourself are not residing. When people withhold love for their own selfish reasons that is not being love, that’s acting In Love with the operative term of course is “acting.”

Love is simple and resilient.
Love defies all laws of human understanding.
Love is the ultimate surrendering,
so that the force of life can flow thru.
Love is the manifestation of your perfect/divine Self

We often confuse love with so many other things: power over people, ego, lust, sacrifice. Yet love is simply put, Just Love. Love does not have to apologize for your actions and behaviors for when one is truly being love the universe will operate in balanced harmony. Love is about accepting the present state of every living, breathing organism and appreciating what it has to offer at that moment. Love is seeing the beauty of interdependence correlating in syncopated synchronicity. Love is the poetic flow of rhythmic energies creating heightened vibrations to form Anu World Order.

So the next time we feel as if tearing someone down or pointing out all their faults is for their own good, stop and think...Are you truly being love or acting out hate.

This is where I say AH

Peace, Love and Bliss
Angelah

The Disappearing Act

While I was at the Farmer’s Market watching patrons passing by, the vendor next to me arrived late in a state of confusion and sadness. Here she was this talented, creative, Caucasian female in her early to mid-40’s completely discombobulated, attempting to put up her displays for sell. The reasoning for this wonderfully gifted lady’s immense pain and despair… Her boyfriend. That’s correct she was knocked all the way off her square because of her relationship. As tears filled her eyes, I overheard this woman discussing with a friend and fellow market vendor how her significant other played the disappearing act using the excuse he thought she wanted time away from him. Of course this discussion was after she already found out he was cheating and before he made the final say to break up.

I thought to myself, wow, here I felt as if I was the only one going thru such a heinously childish as my ex played the same game over a year ago and more recently the first man I genuinely showed interest since my ex-fiancée’s departure, also played the disappearing act. So here we were, two industrious beings attempting to sell our creations amidst a low level energy field all due to a couple of assholes. Although we both put up a good front, it was obvious that neither one of us could be productive in our sales without the peaceful nor happy energy needed to radiate and influence others toward our goods. I left the Market early, defeated, for letting yet another man take my joy as well as interfere with my business. I’m sure my colleague felt the same as she most likely left with less than desirable sales.

It is no mystery that women and men are vastly different, especially in relationships. As I have stated many times, men are ego driven while women on the other hand are highly emotional. With this knowledge, when men are no longer interested, it behooves me to wonder…Why must they play the disappearing act?

Relations is a great game, sometimes it’s a crap shoot, sometimes it’s roulette but oftentimes it’s three-card Monte where the dealer always wins for he holds the secret trick. Unfortunately due to the male shortage they usually hold all the cards. With so many choices the odds for men improves as they shuffle us around in a confusing pattern, making us think we figured out the winning card only to lose when our pick is truly revealed. I must admit I had been prejudiced in my thought processes that this pattern of playa playa mode was most prevalent only among African American females especially since our men appear to have access to every race and culture. After today’s scene I was awakened to the truth that all women are facing this dilemma, especially as the Generation X are maturing.

The sad truth remains that no matter what age, what race or sexual preference, this pattern of disappearing to avoid the emotions is common amongst men. So I ask again, Why do men disappear when they are ready to exit a relationship? How can they so nonchalantly walk away removing themselves from all cycles of emotions? What must we women do to guard ourselves against this emotional disconnect in order to continue functioning?

As I discuss these questions with my girls the answer to why became the simple response of all men are dogs, the how answer was men are too fragile to handle real emotions and what became the reply… Just, Don’t, Care. Of course me being the cynic I am, I could not just accept these responses as absolute truth. Have we women made up these answers and responses to cope and/or make sense of the unknown? What if all men were not really dogs, that in reality the disappearing act is the adjustment time men need to detach themselves as well as give their women the space needed to learn how to live without them. Unfortunately without the conversation taking place, women are often blindsided when the man does not return after going MIA.

So how do we close these lines of miscommunication? I believe first and foremost we must remove the preconceived notions of how women or men are going to behave or think. Men do not want to deal with women’s manipulative emotions while women do not want to have the conversations with men about their needs for fear of being left. These ideas must be eradicated from our minds so that we can be open to dialogue regarding expectations, hopes and desires. We must also learn to share with one another and take into consideration others feelings. The time is no longer acceptable to live within in a low level vibrational ego consciousness, on both sides, but to rise unto higher frequencies of thought and feeling. Let’s all stop disappearing behind the veil of cowardice and unbind the chains of prejudicial fear so that we may emerge victoriously together.

Peace, Love and Bliss
Angelah

Stop Hatin on Me and You!

It has been a couple of weeks since my last blog for I’ve been traveling and engaging in extracurricular activities which did not leave much time for thought and reflection. As I visited some friends and family in the southern part of our country, I migrated back up to the Midwest with one haunting topic being repeatedly discussed between me and my girlfriends. This repertoire was that of women hating on other women. Black women are hatin on white women, white women hatin on the sistahs, but worst and most disconcerting is that of black women hatin on one another.

This concept of black on black haterism, I believe, stemmed from the times of slavery when darker slaves were made to work out in the fields while mulattos and lighter slaves maintained coverage of the master’s house. The tradition continued with sororities being rivals such as the AKA’s and the Delta’s who divided themselves based on shades of brown. A philosophy so pathetically discriminate that film maker Spike Lee created a spoof of this ideology in his movie “School Daze.” We all remember the musical scene of the dark skinned, natural hair wearing “jiggaboos” fighting it out with the light bright, straight haired and weave wearing “wannabees” singing about good and bad hair. That scene epitomized the discrimination held across historical black college and universities which are the foundation of African American intellectual culture.

As the tradition continues to this day, it behooves me to wonder, Hatin: Is it conditioning or jealousy? As my girls and I openly explored the topic of black women hating on other black women because one may be lighter or have longer hair, or for myself strutting down the street in a pair of GAP jeans and an Indian print halter top, we could not come up with a valid and logical reasoning for the sneers, jeers and upside down smiles. The only purpose we came to a consensus regarding this heinous crime against self: Jealousy. Yet is this haterism truly based upon the competitiveness and fearfulness of envy?

In my reflection of light skinned vs. darker skin, straight hair vs. kinky hair, made up women vs. natural women I realized that the wounds of self-hate runs deep. The generational curse had been formulated in the minds of African Americans that the closer you are to white the better your opportunities. Take the movie “Imitation of Life” where the character Sarah Jane was so fair-skinned she passed as white only to ridicule and reject her dark mother just because the life of the white family they resided with appeared much happier. As times have changed and segregation has been abolished, we as a society are still hung up on color thus maintaining that gap of light vs. dark.

The other side of the coin is the little green eyed monster that consumes us all. Jealousy, which is mostly based upon fear, of not measuring adequately, remaining unnoticed or being left behind altogether. We let that ego fear take over our intellectual and rational minds only to retreat in an infantile state of being. Never once do we stop and ask ourselves: Why am I hatin? While I was down south, I was thrown into a culture shock. I actually experienced women giving me a compliment and it made me chuckle as I often stated with a shrug “what these old things.” In actuality my shoes which were the focal point of my outfit¸ happen to truly be old, over a decade as a matter of fact. Yet during that decade of residing in the Midwest, wearing my open toed, bling out sandals never afforded one, simple compliment. As I basked in my euphoric state, bliss did not reside long for once I returned home the reconnection of the cynical, non-intellectual talk of jealousy reared its ugly head “she must think she cute” followed by the nervous laugh because deep down my mockers were aware of their ignorant statements. My high came down and I was jolted back into the reality of African American Female Haterism.

Not only was I angry from such asinine remarks, but I was deeply saddened at the thought processes developed within us as black women. In a society where we are demonized by the media, condemned by African American men, mocked by other races, and essentially despised by all, must we females continue to envelope that hatred within ourselves only to overtly display acts of self-inflicted pain? I must say it is a very difficult inner struggle to look at poorly depicted images of self and not be consumed with apathy. The darker woman playing the role as a maid, single and bitter mother or ghetto fabulous sistah girl while lighter women play the role as the main love interest being showered with great clothes, picnics in the park and of course fabulous shoes.

Ladies I say now is the time we must reclaim ourselves and each other. e must be willing to say “it’s okay to wear our nice clothes to places other than work, church and the club.” Now I’m not talking about wearing heels to cook dinner, after all this is not 1950’s June Cleaver “Leave it to Beaver” but of course if that is what you are comfortable doing, I say do your thing. Instead I am proclaiming that we must tell ourselves it’s all good to wear make-up and jewelry as well as have our nails and hair done without the thought of trying to lure a man. We must give ourselves permission to purchase that 1940’s satin nightgown and wear it to bed for self. To put it plainly ladies, let’s get into the practice of self-care, self-esteem and self-love so that we may radiate and appreciate one another for all that we are. The evolution is love: love for self, love for each other, and love for all.

If you feel good, it makes it easier and effortless to exhibit goodness and kindness
to others. Let’s help each other out, whether it’s doing a friends hair and makeup when she is unable or smiling at a perfect stranger and saying “I love your look.” End the cycle of self-loathing and self-hatred in order to walk erect, proud as a peacock in our entire splendor. Stop hatin on ourselves and each other not just for this generation but for the next. Remember trying to tear someone down does not build you up; it only leaves two people broken instead of one. Like the ending of “School Daze” proclaim “Please, Wake UP!”

This is where I say AH

Peace, Love and Bliss
Angelah

Know Your Role

When you enter into any relationship albeit friendship, parenting, work and especially intimate relationships, it is best to identify early where you fair and what role you are commissioned to play. It’s best to know from beginning whether you’re the first, the rebound, the booty call, the back-up plan or left-over.
Oftentimes the man will tell his spouse thru actions or words what space you fill within his life, yet we all strive to be in a position not assigned. The first might desire to be last, the mistress desires to be wife or the back-up wants to be master. The ego says you deserve the new position because you are just as worthy as anyone else and you are but that is not what you signed on for in the original agreement. More times than not the position assigned by that man’s ego is the exact place you will remain until the contract has expired.

I have a friend who knowingly, willingly and voluntarily entered into a relationship with a man who has multiple partners. The man sat all three women down and openly discussed each role making them conscious of their purpose from day one. My friend was the teacher due to her organizational skills and experience as an advocate and transformational coach. Another woman was the provider, expecting to maintain adequate employment, paying the bills and filing taxes at all times. The 3rd woman who was the first he met and now has four children by this man was placed in what? You guessed it…Mother the stay at home nurturer. Understanding these roles the women operated within the capacities or so they thought. In the shadows these three women would backbite, sabotage and verbally assault in order to be sole and exclusive this man’s. You can only imagine what the man did, that’s right, left all three women.

When you understand what role the man desires to have his wants filled, you have the option of whether to play the game or relinquish the turn. Most times we start the game, hoping for a promotion only to get hurt in the end. We think in a job if you work really hard and play by the rules your status will get elevated, but in intimate relationships it’s simply not an available option. Once that man has decided in his mind what part he needs you to play, he will continue in that state until either his need is satisfied or you renounce the title.

For myself I know all too well being made to fit in roles and that goes from every type of relationship: Nurturing mother, Cool teacher, Loving and Nice friend, Dependable employee, but most to my detriment Complacent girlfriend. For example with my ex fiancée he desired a certain type of woman but needed a nurturer and ego booster. On some levels I always knew I was his default girl posing as the victim surrogate mother whom he would save. Yet when I desired to be more than just the poor, single victimized mother I deviated from his script. As I became more like the girlfriend he wanted, my role became obsolete. Now I know this does not make sense, you would think he’d stay, but as I previously stated once the man classify your role there are no upgrades or promotions just that position or no position. So yes I was the left over girl in relationships and I got left over and over and over again.

So where do these roles come from? EGO which is divided into one of four sub categories: Momma Complex, Sex, Money, Power. Men are always searching for that female aspect that nurtures, actually we all do. One cannot spend 9 months in a womb being fed, cared for and stabilized and not crave a return to the source of its physical being. For men the searching becomes insatiable as they bounce from female to female, entering and exiting relationships faster than a jack rabbit. All this behavior is merely a means of reconnection to that same nurturing qualities felt inside the womb. Women on the other hand, do not crave the nurturing as much for it is naturally within our DNA, plus environmental and social dogmas create the subculture of women as domicile and nurturing beings. We will nurture ourselves and each other; we will uplift ourselves and each other. That is why the beauty industry is a billion dollar business: Makeup, Shoes & clothing, Jewelry, Perfume, all part of the nurturing process. Shopping for things that make you look and feel better about self, creating a confidence and esteem is the female therapeutic ability to nurture and care for self.

For men sex, money, power nurtures them thru ego consciousness resulting in a false representation of nurture. So their predatory egos seek out that true aspect from which they are lacking. As a woman if you can satisfy all the roles men seek at the time, then they will be content until the ego supersedes intellectual thought process causing another want disguised as a need to arise. That is the problem with ego consciousness; it will always want and crave more: more money, more sex, and more power. Yet the reality is the spiritual being actually needs nurture.
This is where I say AH!

Peace, Love and Bliss
Angelah

Look up in the Sky... It's the Alter Ego!

(Ego Consciousness Pt. 2)

We are all familiar with that Superman mantra: Look! Up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane, no it's the... Alter Ego!!

Yes we are talking about that corrupt defender, able to leap tall buildings and obstacles in a single bound creating maniacal master plans to overpower the world. At least so we think. The alter ego is said to be another aspect of self oftentimes referred to as the archnemesis but in actuality is disguises itself as our super hero, that great protector for our pain. Within Sybil she had many alter egos to defend her deep rooted pains but the one who seemed to appear most was "Vickie" the sensible straight laced protector who summoned forth the other egos in an orderly fashion leaving Sybil dazed, confused and in danger. In the movie Matrix, Neo's alter ego was a character called "Smith" that sentinal agent plugged in to destroy the greatest potential. In the Harry Potter series, although I have yet to see all the films, I believe Harry's alter ego was Lord Voldemort a character so dangerous just the mentioning of his name brought fear.
And of course last but not least for Beyonce... She is Sasha Fierce.

Our alter ego has the ability to do amazing things, for it possesses the same gifts we do and why not? After all it does reside inside our beings with full accessibility to all our abilities most often to our detriment. So in this knowing, why would we allow our alter ego to come out and play? It is my opinion that we really do not have a choice as many times we are not consciously aware of its arrival. As I stated in Ego Consciousness pt. 1, in times of distress where stimuli triggers a thought process of danger, our reactive minds take over and thinks for us. A prime example is in the movie Inception where the more danger perceived by the main character played by Leonardo di Caprio, the quicker his alter ego (reactive mind) portrayed as a wife appeared hunting the agitator for disposal. This is exactly how the alter ego surfaces, justifying its need to overpower your conscious leading you to exact danger it is protecting you from.

So let's explore the mind of the Alter Ego.
It believes it can do anything, say anything, be anything and it can. The alter ego is the unknowable blank aspect of self, that unexplored part that can display itself any time it choose because it can do, say or be whatever it wants at the time. Within the alter ego contains the most deadly of all sins: Pride, for it believes and has the great capacity to make you and everyone else believe that it's invincible. In the moment your entire being it left powerless and out of control until you consciously awaken from that altered state of existence. The alter ego is like a drug, placing you in an elated state of bliss only to return crashing. It is so magnificent it shows you things you feel you could not otherwise do without it. But AH!! that thought is the grandest illusion for the alter ego is not showing you what you cannot do, it is showing you what you can but may not want to do because ultimately your conscious knows those abilities may contribute to your demise. Think about it, do you really think Beyonce at 40 years old wants to be slinking around in a bathing suit costume doing the booty bounce? Or that Sybil wants to access a different character in order to function in daily life, work, relationships or parenting. Yet the alter ego is so strong and has so much power it will lead you to believe this is what you need in order to survive. The truth is the same gifts, talents and abilities one possesses are available alter ego or because they innately belong to you.

So why don't we access those unique gifts such as defending ourselves when someone makes us uncomfortable, and no I am not referring to a physical defense but simply a communicative, declarative statement "I don't like this, you make me feel uncomfortable." Women, how aboutt when you desire to be bring the sexy side out, why must we play roles and get into character in order to be that vixen playmate. If you desire to be a hoar for your man or the whole world because it makes you feel confident and empowered I say have at it. We are such hypocrites in this country, always discussing freedom and independence, yet we are completeley unable to free our minds and bodies. If we cannot free ourselves how can we ever truly acquire freedom collectively?

The truth of the matter, ego & alter ego lives within us all. For within this great stage play called life our roles have all experienced a trauma from which the ego has created a defense, altering our self identity into an unknown and unexplored aspect. In order to control that unknown, dark and shadowy part of self , we must bring it into the light of our conscious being and control it thru perfect balance. Shut off the valve to the leaky faucet, then no more will you be living a double or triple life.

Clark Kent --- Superman --- Lex Luther
Snow White --- the Mirror --- Queen
Instead you will just: BE (I AM) that perfected self in all its greatness.

This Is where I finally say AH!!!

Peace, Love and Bliss
Angelah