Saturday, August 6, 2011

Know Your Role

When you enter into any relationship albeit friendship, parenting, work and especially intimate relationships, it is best to identify early where you fair and what role you are commissioned to play. It’s best to know from beginning whether you’re the first, the rebound, the booty call, the back-up plan or left-over.
Oftentimes the man will tell his spouse thru actions or words what space you fill within his life, yet we all strive to be in a position not assigned. The first might desire to be last, the mistress desires to be wife or the back-up wants to be master. The ego says you deserve the new position because you are just as worthy as anyone else and you are but that is not what you signed on for in the original agreement. More times than not the position assigned by that man’s ego is the exact place you will remain until the contract has expired.

I have a friend who knowingly, willingly and voluntarily entered into a relationship with a man who has multiple partners. The man sat all three women down and openly discussed each role making them conscious of their purpose from day one. My friend was the teacher due to her organizational skills and experience as an advocate and transformational coach. Another woman was the provider, expecting to maintain adequate employment, paying the bills and filing taxes at all times. The 3rd woman who was the first he met and now has four children by this man was placed in what? You guessed it…Mother the stay at home nurturer. Understanding these roles the women operated within the capacities or so they thought. In the shadows these three women would backbite, sabotage and verbally assault in order to be sole and exclusive this man’s. You can only imagine what the man did, that’s right, left all three women.

When you understand what role the man desires to have his wants filled, you have the option of whether to play the game or relinquish the turn. Most times we start the game, hoping for a promotion only to get hurt in the end. We think in a job if you work really hard and play by the rules your status will get elevated, but in intimate relationships it’s simply not an available option. Once that man has decided in his mind what part he needs you to play, he will continue in that state until either his need is satisfied or you renounce the title.

For myself I know all too well being made to fit in roles and that goes from every type of relationship: Nurturing mother, Cool teacher, Loving and Nice friend, Dependable employee, but most to my detriment Complacent girlfriend. For example with my ex fiancĂ©e he desired a certain type of woman but needed a nurturer and ego booster. On some levels I always knew I was his default girl posing as the victim surrogate mother whom he would save. Yet when I desired to be more than just the poor, single victimized mother I deviated from his script. As I became more like the girlfriend he wanted, my role became obsolete. Now I know this does not make sense, you would think he’d stay, but as I previously stated once the man classify your role there are no upgrades or promotions just that position or no position. So yes I was the left over girl in relationships and I got left over and over and over again.

So where do these roles come from? EGO which is divided into one of four sub categories: Momma Complex, Sex, Money, Power. Men are always searching for that female aspect that nurtures, actually we all do. One cannot spend 9 months in a womb being fed, cared for and stabilized and not crave a return to the source of its physical being. For men the searching becomes insatiable as they bounce from female to female, entering and exiting relationships faster than a jack rabbit. All this behavior is merely a means of reconnection to that same nurturing qualities felt inside the womb. Women on the other hand, do not crave the nurturing as much for it is naturally within our DNA, plus environmental and social dogmas create the subculture of women as domicile and nurturing beings. We will nurture ourselves and each other; we will uplift ourselves and each other. That is why the beauty industry is a billion dollar business: Makeup, Shoes & clothing, Jewelry, Perfume, all part of the nurturing process. Shopping for things that make you look and feel better about self, creating a confidence and esteem is the female therapeutic ability to nurture and care for self.

For men sex, money, power nurtures them thru ego consciousness resulting in a false representation of nurture. So their predatory egos seek out that true aspect from which they are lacking. As a woman if you can satisfy all the roles men seek at the time, then they will be content until the ego supersedes intellectual thought process causing another want disguised as a need to arise. That is the problem with ego consciousness; it will always want and crave more: more money, more sex, and more power. Yet the reality is the spiritual being actually needs nurture.
This is where I say AH!

Peace, Love and Bliss
Angelah

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