Sunday, August 28, 2011

The Disappearing Act

While I was at the Farmer’s Market watching patrons passing by, the vendor next to me arrived late in a state of confusion and sadness. Here she was this talented, creative, Caucasian female in her early to mid-40’s completely discombobulated, attempting to put up her displays for sell. The reasoning for this wonderfully gifted lady’s immense pain and despair… Her boyfriend. That’s correct she was knocked all the way off her square because of her relationship. As tears filled her eyes, I overheard this woman discussing with a friend and fellow market vendor how her significant other played the disappearing act using the excuse he thought she wanted time away from him. Of course this discussion was after she already found out he was cheating and before he made the final say to break up.

I thought to myself, wow, here I felt as if I was the only one going thru such a heinously childish as my ex played the same game over a year ago and more recently the first man I genuinely showed interest since my ex-fiancée’s departure, also played the disappearing act. So here we were, two industrious beings attempting to sell our creations amidst a low level energy field all due to a couple of assholes. Although we both put up a good front, it was obvious that neither one of us could be productive in our sales without the peaceful nor happy energy needed to radiate and influence others toward our goods. I left the Market early, defeated, for letting yet another man take my joy as well as interfere with my business. I’m sure my colleague felt the same as she most likely left with less than desirable sales.

It is no mystery that women and men are vastly different, especially in relationships. As I have stated many times, men are ego driven while women on the other hand are highly emotional. With this knowledge, when men are no longer interested, it behooves me to wonder…Why must they play the disappearing act?

Relations is a great game, sometimes it’s a crap shoot, sometimes it’s roulette but oftentimes it’s three-card Monte where the dealer always wins for he holds the secret trick. Unfortunately due to the male shortage they usually hold all the cards. With so many choices the odds for men improves as they shuffle us around in a confusing pattern, making us think we figured out the winning card only to lose when our pick is truly revealed. I must admit I had been prejudiced in my thought processes that this pattern of playa playa mode was most prevalent only among African American females especially since our men appear to have access to every race and culture. After today’s scene I was awakened to the truth that all women are facing this dilemma, especially as the Generation X are maturing.

The sad truth remains that no matter what age, what race or sexual preference, this pattern of disappearing to avoid the emotions is common amongst men. So I ask again, Why do men disappear when they are ready to exit a relationship? How can they so nonchalantly walk away removing themselves from all cycles of emotions? What must we women do to guard ourselves against this emotional disconnect in order to continue functioning?

As I discuss these questions with my girls the answer to why became the simple response of all men are dogs, the how answer was men are too fragile to handle real emotions and what became the reply… Just, Don’t, Care. Of course me being the cynic I am, I could not just accept these responses as absolute truth. Have we women made up these answers and responses to cope and/or make sense of the unknown? What if all men were not really dogs, that in reality the disappearing act is the adjustment time men need to detach themselves as well as give their women the space needed to learn how to live without them. Unfortunately without the conversation taking place, women are often blindsided when the man does not return after going MIA.

So how do we close these lines of miscommunication? I believe first and foremost we must remove the preconceived notions of how women or men are going to behave or think. Men do not want to deal with women’s manipulative emotions while women do not want to have the conversations with men about their needs for fear of being left. These ideas must be eradicated from our minds so that we can be open to dialogue regarding expectations, hopes and desires. We must also learn to share with one another and take into consideration others feelings. The time is no longer acceptable to live within in a low level vibrational ego consciousness, on both sides, but to rise unto higher frequencies of thought and feeling. Let’s all stop disappearing behind the veil of cowardice and unbind the chains of prejudicial fear so that we may emerge victoriously together.

Peace, Love and Bliss

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